Wednesday, September 12, 2012
Wednesday, September 5, 2012
I hate that feeling when I am trying my hardest not to cry in-front of someone, because I don't want them to feel the depth of pain their words just caused. A smiling face pretending to care how you feel renders the blow that shatters a dream which had just begun to take form, to take shape, just had a few days to be realised. Now it lay shattered in pieces.
Maybe I am over-reacting to simple denial at a request to be allowed to go to school to pursue further studies. I was so set for this. I was ready. I lived each day on the hope that it was just a matter of time and I was counting the days. Now they have the audacity to tell me I have to wait for another two years to go; yet two years ago they told me that I hadn't worked long enough to earn a leave to go back to school. They are toying with me, playing with my time, playing with my life. All I do is let them.
After all I have been through, I am just going to quit, just like that? Nope, I have to fight like hell until I can't fight any longer. I am going to rise again, go somewhere even more splendid than what I originally wanted, just so that I can prove to them and to my self that, I can because I am.
Monday, September 3, 2012
The four of us, Jaa, Mahir, Hubby and I met at Forodhani for a talk of my life. Until I sat down I didn't know that I will meet the Past, the Present and the Future on that very same day, a chilly night, the sea calmed down, surrounded by busts of life, a distant aromatic food flavors, and fashion parades...You and your bro came dressed in casual elegance and I felt overdressed...(partly because hubby and I just came back from a dinner date..)
I felt humbled beneath the emotions you held in your eyes for me, I wasn't worth all that. I wasn't worth the awe, the respect, the care, the love and the mostly the undivided attention. I know they say the best mirror is an old friend but boy what an awakening!! We shared so many jokes, remeninced about the past, even the part of how I used to be such a bully sometimes, the good parts of the pasts which make you look up to me, hubby and I being our crazy selves, the so many questions of marriage from you guys. You two made us re-visit our past of how we used to be, how come we got married, what does marriage means, what does it take to stay happily married - only for you to sum us up as a "cute couple" sheeesh!!! gossiping about old friends who shall remain nameless who seem unfazed and haven't changed a bit with time...discussing your life where you are, and the one question I really wanted to ask, I couldn't or didn't... and what a beautiful gift I have found in your brother, I have rediscovered a new/old friend in him...
Somethings you said to me got to me in ways you could never imagine, for example that you look up to me for the simple fact of being me in a world that is constantly trying to change me. I realised that you got it twisted, it is me who looks up to you - like I told you I actually stalk your facebook and mpaka you had to make me your honorary weirdo, which is an honor. And Mahir, dang...he is good. He seems so much older, so much wiser, and I loved the way they hit it off so well with hubby...I am gonna miss you too much, actually I missed you from the moment you stepped down from the car...
I carried a camera with me so I can take photos of this day, so I can remember it after many years, that moment, the laughs, the conversations, the company, the setting, the comradeship, and guess what the weirdo decides to do - I forgot to take the pictures!!! The camera lay forgotten in my purse as we got lost in the beauty of that night, and one us couldn't handle it all...and fell asleep on my lap. All is not lost for I have tried to print the picture of that perfect summer night with my words, and I hope you love the snapshot that I took of that day through the lens of my heart, stored in my memories which I developed today for you with words to always bring a smile on your face...
Congratulations, you have just viewed our snapshot of the future, the present and the past.