Which Child Do You Love More?

My friends say that I love my first born more than I love the second baby. When they told me this, I took a step back and reflected...and I didn't know I did it but had to take it as a given. To me it wasn't that I loved any child any less because a mother's love is whole no matter how many times divided...but I figure my favorite child at any given moment is whoever needs mothers love the most. I love them both crazy but I guess how I am with each child depends on the child themselves...my youngest more independent child loves her space and the way I love her is giving her room to be and do whatever she wants but she always mummy is there when she needs her..My first born on the other hand is more clingy and we have endless conversations...and apparently I talk about her more so I give her what she needs also but also encourage her to be more independent...

Perhaps it is true, I don't love them equally, for one we can never measure love. But I try my best to love them equitably..both know that mama is here and love them like crazy...and at times I don't even like them, all I want is space to be alone and disappear. Being needed at this level is exhausting...but I wouldn't exchange it for the world. So I pose this question to you...which child to do you feel or friends and family feel that you love more?

What do you like about motherhood?

Somebody asked me the question of what I like about motherhood and I couldn't find a clear answer straight away. She was shocked that I didn't know. I was amazed that my mind was blank. It took me time, days even till I could come up with a proper answer. That's when I realised that Motherhood to me has become like breathing, I am not even aware that I am doing it but its very essential to my being...and if i couldn't do it I would cease to exist...yet while doing it I pay no attention to the intricate mechanisms that I get into constantly.

The say a mother is born the day the child is born. It is essential to me and the tiny humans that I brought into this world to be the best mother I can be. Motherhood is hard, very hard, to give love and attention and tireless cleaning, endless questions, super soft touches, being needed, sleepless nights, and when you think you can't take anymore, you still have to dig deeper. I may not be a great mother all the time but I am doing the best I can and believe me I am willing to learn, I stress about it, I have sessions with my mom, my friends to agonise if I am doing it okay. 

I love everything about being a mother. Everything about being the sole person to hear my tiny humans way before they can talk. I love and appreciate how hard it is to be responsible in shaping the world view of the tiny humans before they can grow up enough to think that I know nothing. I like everything about it, when I don't like it.

A learning process

The journey to motherhood has not been an easy one for me. As you have noticed I practically disappeared off the face of the earth for a while....but I did my best to document most things that I went through and I feel that I am ready to share that with you. As usual I am going to be brutally honest and this is my own private public space...so sit tight and wait for the posts coming up for the next few days...