Why Should I be home Early?

The concept of what  consists as family time seems to differ a lot for men and women.

Whereas the woman as the mother, wife/girlfriend homemaker is expected to give everything and then some. In some cultures men spending time with their woman is considered a weakness. It is seen that he is not manly, that he should have better things to do than be home with his one woman.

This ideology is perpetuated by both men and women. The men obviously get what they desire and as women we seem to not be able to rise our boys to be better boys than their fathers. We inflict the same pain our husbands gave to us onto someone else's child.

This has got to change. It needs to start with me and you. The priority has to be family. What kind of tiny humans we are molding to take over the earth and humanity. Nowadays the value of relationships is determined by the number of likes, texting, sexting, valuing the display of who someone pretends to be rather than the participation of watching someone grow, children's playtime has been replaced with gadgets and the internet, and the human connection is fast being deemed obsolete, whilst depression and broken homes and families are on the rise.

That is why you should be home early. You have to be there to show your daughters what a real man should be like and your sons to learn early how to treat a woman. We have no idea of the power of comprehension on children. How much are you hurting your own in your search for money and a better life that you have no time to actually have a life with them? They cannot tell you how much they need you, they try to show you by jumping you and wanting as much time with you as possible, however your constant refusals and being home so late, they are getting used to your absence. So when I tell you to be home early, its for your children. They do not know how to tell you why they need you around and I am their voice.

Me? Your partner who is riding and dying for you? Supporting you? Loving you? Being your cheerleader? Holding you up? You are asking me why you should be home early darling? Honey, if the street's allure is more inviting than the warm loving I am serving, then stay where you feel the ache in your soul is being stroked. Let the streets love you. Let the streets and its fleeting connections engulf you. My loving is too deep to not be revered. You do not have to be home early. But do not come to me one day and ask me why that food is not warm when you are here.. Why the smile and welcoming arms are tightly holding onto myself, I will not wait around to watch you desecrate everything we have build...I don't have to tell you that.

Valentines Scribbles

Valentines is here today. Everyone has complete specifications on what they need to get in order to get the proof that they are loved.

There are levels to this...I don't want one day of undying declaration of love, I want small actions of consistency to prove the words that you say are true.

So love yourself, love your partner, love the family, spread love. Positive vibes only. 

The Journey

On my journey of self discovery and self love, I have met many companions, travelers, lost souls and
many types of people on different roads heading to the same destination...eventually the grave. As with any journey there are those who will help you and those who will hinder and I am still looking for ways learn from both. To be grateful to have both.

On this journey with myself I continually look for ways to love myself. To listen to myself. To heal myself. To put myself first. To validate my feeling. To be aware of the kinds of vibrations of energy that my body picks. To be true to myself. To be kind to myself and not always hurt myself's feelings. To nurture myself. To be more patient with myself as I stumble and fall and learn to pick myself up. To believe in myself. To be myself's biggest cheer leader. To take care of my health, mental, emotional and physical. I want to continually be busy to find ways to love myself as I am my longest commitment.

I have had to learn a number of new habits and unlearn many old ones. I now have to look at myself to provide to me what I need before I look onto others to do the same. I can't be broken inside and wait for someone to heal me - they do not understand where it hurts. I have to understand myself first before the feeling of being misunderstood crashes me. I have to be kind to myself and forgive me for all the ways I have been hurting me and allowing others to add to the pain.

Some people will always look for ways and reasons to bring you down. Others will always lift you up. But when you remain standing, that's what shows your true strength

All writers are sad...

Someone questioned me, are all writers sad? 

Why I asked? 

The answer came is that there is so much more writing on sadness, on emptiness, on heartbreak, on betrayal and everyone can relate. Why don't you write about happiness?

With a smile on my face I replied, not all writers are sad, but sad girls write more. 

There is plenty being written about happiness, how it feels, the stuff that love is made of...but sadness overwhelms. Happiness is self-explanatory. Its like a confident child laughing with abandon and bubbling with infectious good energy that you can't help yourself but smile. It is a beautiful poetry and every sense of our existence can feel it...its like the heart beating and pumping blood and oxygen... we may not be aware of the intricacies of the how...but we do know that if it stops...then life as we know it can be over.

Sadness on the other side...is much more difficult to notice, you could be feeling it and not be aware of it until happiness knocks loudly. We have been taught that feeling sad is wrong...therefore we have learned from a young age to mask the emotion...sometimes we get so good we can even hid it from ourselves. 

Is this why you disappear on your own blog...because you are happy?

Sometimes...but mostly no. Life catches up. Responsibilities increase. Sometimes I am not good at putting into words everything that is going on...other times I have so much going on...a few minutes of self expression feels too much. Wherein lies my biggest problem...I worry and love about others so much more than my own needs. This has always been a space for me to figure out my feelings or to help others feeling the same. Not all the stories are my own...some are borrowed from others struggles and triumphs. But I do promise to stay a little longer this time...to try a little harder...

Are you sad now then?

The beguiling smile on my face is your answer.

Life moves on

Life is actually fair....because it is unfair to everyone.

Which Child Do You Love More?

My friends say that I love my first born more than I love the second baby. When they told me this, I took a step back and reflected...and I didn't know I did it but had to take it as a given. To me it wasn't that I loved any child any less because a mother's love is whole no matter how many times divided...but I figure my favorite child at any given moment is whoever needs mothers love the most. I love them both crazy but I guess how I am with each child depends on the child themselves...my youngest more independent child loves her space and the way I love her is giving her room to be and do whatever she wants but she always mummy is there when she needs her..My first born on the other hand is more clingy and we have endless conversations...and apparently I talk about her more so I give her what she needs also but also encourage her to be more independent...

Perhaps it is true, I don't love them equally, for one we can never measure love. But I try my best to love them equitably..both know that mama is here and love them like crazy...and at times I don't even like them, all I want is space to be alone and disappear. Being needed at this level is exhausting...but I wouldn't exchange it for the world. So I pose this question to you...which child to do you feel or friends and family feel that you love more?