Why I Love My Job

They say the human body has over 50 billion white blood cells, 

and I need every single one because this job makes me sick. 

this is the kind of job I would laugh about but for some reason i still do, 

its opposite to anything I would really want all the qualities of my dream job it lacks, 

its attempts at knowing I exist are simply pathetic. 

the last time i tried to be original, do something new got me laughed me off, 

How can I  think outside the box when I work in a cube?

being semi-comfortable in full mode Swahili presentation gets me labeled as a show off, 

if a train station is a where train stops, a bus station where a bus stops,

does it not follow logically that make my workstation should be where my work stops?
and in essence it does; so I pretend where to work so they pretend to pay me.

They don't want well informed, well educated people capable of critical thinking,
they are not interested in that, that doesn't really help them,
you know what they want? they want obedient workers, workers who
are just smart enough to run the machines and do the paperwork,
and just dumb enough to passively accept all the increasingly shitty jobs with lower pay,
longer hours, reduced benefits, and vanishing pension that disappears a minute you go collect it.

I keep thinking about what I want to do in life, my life,
to be more than this ball of frustration and anger towards a job,
I keep telling myself its due to the fact that this is not what I want to do,
yet I used to be passionate about this, used to feel good about it,
now all I think about is quitting, running off to open my own shoes boutique,
yet I know I cannot afford that luxury,

Yet my drive has been beaten out of my efforts, I have settled,
My motivation has gone from roaring flame to a smoldering heat,
I have become a former shell of who I used to want to be.
I know this job sucks but for some reason as opposites I keep attracting it,
What really matters in the end is that this job has truly helped me,
in finding out just where I want my next endeavor to be.

Yet this job currently sucks and I have it, but it has awaken in me
the need to do something better, a desire to move from the misery,
to never stop searching until I find something to please me,
there are over a trillion nerves in the central nervous system,
and this job gets on every single, believe me its does
and for that same weird reason is why I love this job.
Because it made me realise that I don't want to wait to see where life will take me,
I am gonna take life where I want to be.

Imagine if this was for real...!!!!

Ignorance

They say ignorance is a bliss. Yet I am sick and tired of people who act arrogant about their ignorance.
So each day, as my patience gets tried I say a silent prayer to the heavens, "Lord, please forgive them for they know not what I do, and please forgive for what I am trying not to do."
I have killed such people a million times in my head. But I have enough control to remind myself that everyone is entitled to their own opinion. I mean we live in an era of smart phones and stupid people. Jeez!!!

Transport You In My World...

With each written post I hope to bring you a little closer to my world, shed a little light on my madness, dare you to bungee jump into my thoughts, or idyllically sail into my realm. I have no set list of things that I confine myself to, I just want to challenge you, to inspire you, to anger you, to propel you, to touch you, and to never leave you. Have I ever managed to transport you to a moments that as you read my poems, its as if the world does not exist?

Some people laugh at my attempts, they think its easy crafting pictures with words. Moving someone away from themselves and to experience another reality. To challenge someone to view the world from the end of telescope. To imagine this generation as one full of possibilities, keeping all the rough edges in their natural glory. To accept the mistakes we make, the lessons we learn and some we forget.

But not you, if you are still reading this, you have found something in these words. Some meaning. Some reason. Something. So hold on tight, for an awakening journey as I transport you into my world. 

Always...

Long Live The Union

Historical Signing Between Zanzibar and Tanganyika

I love being Tanzanian. I love being called Tanzanian. I love being Tanzanian of the Zanzibari descent.
As a young Zanzibari in this union, I am confused at this sudden surge and popular belief to end the union,
end the union today, end the union tomorrow, end the oppression, set all the Zanzibari free.
They claim that the foundation of this beautiful nation is flawed, the very principles that this country's been
founded on cannot be counted on in this time of confusion.
What an illusion we have been handed down, misused and lost our trust too many times,
been captured, enslaved, dominated under a different rule another reign every time,
So I'm pissed because for some odd reason people think that there is an easy solution,
what was so cleverly hidden is now in plain vision for all to see,
because some forty odd years on is enough time to make an evaluation,
is this union only a nasty-favouring-the-mainland-only-depressing-Zanzibar-development-situation?

I get confused when they tell me I am opressed and I am supposed to support the sovereignity of Zanzibar,
to stand alone, proud and strong above the rest, yet this is what I have always known,
How can I say that I want to be a free Zanzibari when all I know is how to be Tanzanian,
I was born, raised, educated in this union, it is all I know, because I am a proud Tanzanian,
I don't know what its like to be Zanzibari only, if my great grandfathers were a free Zanzibaris
how come they agreed on the union so quickly after Zanzibar was free?
Don't tell me that agreement was only entered due to presidential decree,
because if we as a nation put him in power, then are all partially responsible for this chaos.
The Union of Tanganyika and Zanzibar which led to the establishment of Tanzania,
as a united republic which was consummated at the height of cold war.

Because if we really want to go back, lets go all the way back,
because after the Zanzibar revolution in January 1964, there were fears in the West,
that Zanzibar will become another Cuba, the Western powers were determined to prevent,
that the revolution was communist-inspired and feared if Zanzibar consolidated their position,
they would pose a threat to Western interests in the region,
because of their friendly ties to the communist bloc, the Americans and other westners
feared that the island nation would serve as a springboard for launching communist penetration in Africa,
it was during this bitter rivalry that the union was formed, what inspired the merger?
Was it the union formed by leaders of Tanganyika and Zanzibar in the pursuit of African Unity?
Or did the interests of Western powers coincide with those of the national leaders unconciously,
creating favourable conditions for consummating the union, leaving all parties satisfied??
Would it have been formed if the revolution of Zanzibar had back-fired?
Or would the two countries have united anyway due to cultural or other basis?

I am not wholly against the union, I am Tanzanian born and raised,
I have to admit that it comes in handy, and we do find refuge in vast space,
but when we try to blame the union for the lack of opportunities, and jobs for the poor,
we forget how we surrendered our own seat at the United Nation for the benefit of this nation,
so we blame the mainland for lying, stealing and cheating us so repeatedly,
If they do us so wrong why do we just stand there and take it?
If the union is the leader of inequality, suffering and grieving, how come
no one wants to stay in Zanzibar everyone is leaving?
Because if this union is so bad, why don't we try to be fair and  look at the other side of the coin?
What will happen when all the wonderful Zanzibari businessmen in Kariakoo get asked to go back home?
Our heritage is right here, right now, no matter what the hell they may say,
and alot of people died to make it that way.

We are so attached to finding faults, to proportioning the blame,
because if we were asked what have we done with the semi-sovereignty what will we answer then?
We are a world-class tourist destination, the service that oils our economy,
yet we give all the big investors, companies, and hotels a big tax holiday.
Yes the union is not complete, it touches a few things, like the defence, police, immigration,
external trade and borrowing, citizenship and harbors, and other external affairs.
Do we blame the union for the state of our down trodden and poor,
we have no factories, something as simple as a small pin has to be imported?
so does it stand true that we abhor the union but agree to the Chinese dumping of their products?
Is that it, we have a brilliant double standard? It is wrong for the mainland but okay for the donors?
What will we do when we are left to stand alone when we are so used to being carried,
What have we done that can really be referenced to us alone? In this post-revolution generation?
There is already a division here, Waunguja and Wapemba, and now the trending thing is,
to define ourselves by what our tribes used to be, glorifying our ties to the Arabs,
Do we want to divide the union so that another dominator can only fill that space?
Or is history so wrong, and there is no way that it will repeat itself?

If we really want to change things, lets get to the polls, lets do more to be involved,
God knows we have earned the right, we are ruled under this dominion but we all have our own opinions,
So rather than move on in progress, we are dwelling in the past,
We've struggled too long, we have come too far,
So instead of focusing who we were, let's be proud of we are,
If you choose to be a just a free Zanzibari, away from union the union, that's your preference,
what are you willing to do to get that reference? If we are squabbling on this union,
what will happen when we are part of a bigger thing, like the African Community becomes our dominion?
I know on this issue I don't stand alone and if I do, then let me be
and I'd appreciate it when you see me and say, there goes a Zanzibari woman,
who says it loud, that in this confusion, there needs to be more explanation,
so until then I am Tanzanian and proud, I love being part of this wonderful nation,
and yeah I said it I am not taking it back.

I Wish...

I wish I didn't live in one of the world's poorest economy with the world's richest reserves,
of soil, tanzanite, gold and warm, friendly, and peaceful people.
I wish I didn't have to vote to put anyone in power, let the politicians squabble alone,
so that I won't feel too responsible when they misrepresent me and pledge their own cause,
I wish that every minute a child didn't have to die, because we can end malaria.
because if we really wanted to, its quite easy to save a life.
I wish that we could appreciate the beautiful environment we live in, a world class destination,
because to most of us it is just a place where we struggle daily to end our deprivation,
I wish that the rich could stop getting richer and the poor getting poorer,
so that before the street beggar doesn't becomes a thief and kills the rich man's kid.
I wish there wasn't so much to do, so much to work for, so much to live for,
very little to die for,
I wish there were a bigger requirement, a pre-requisite to be a part of this nation,
instead its just the cards I have been dealt with since birth.
I wish I wasn't such a coward, that I could face change, bearing my sword of perseverence,
cloaked by my shield of determination to only move forward,
I wish I was more than just a writer, scared of the possibility that this writing may hold for me,
I wish I wasn't this afraid to face up to my destiny.

Seeking Fulfillment...

Fulfillment is more trouble then it is worth. Yet I can't quiet the yearning in my heart to fulfill some dreams, to live out some hope, and ah the things I desire always seem to be just out of reach. My desire is increased when the fulfillment is postponed, my desire to be a better person, my desire to help people, my desire to change the world, my desire to be rich enough so that I don't have to worry about being broke, my desire to be someone someday, my desire to be the person I pretend to be. 

People take different roads in seeking fulfillment, different people yearn for different things and just because they are not on my road doesn't mean that they are lost. Some people like being famous, and don't mind the lack of privacy. Some people want to get to the top fast enough so they don't mind the greasy shortcuts. Some people take advantage of others, they don't mind having no scruples, because to each his own. 

For now I am trying to seek fulfillment in my writing. Trying to believe that I can achieve something through it. Trying to believe that it is good enough. Trying to believe that I inspire someone. Trying to believe that I touch someone. Trying to believe I can paint colorful pictures with simple words. I am waiting for my beginning. 

It Feels Wrong...

It feels wrong for me to write about things I don't feel. Sometimes I am so sad, so angry, so bewildered and I force myself to remain calm, and fake a smile on my lips that doesn't reach my eyes. 

It  feels wrong for me to write about happy moments, about love, about moving on, about being okay with being who a person is, embracing flaws when I don't always practice what I preach. 

It feels wrong to keep hoping for things to change without doing anything about it, to burden God with how I feel, with my tribulations when I can barely find moments to give praise and thank for all He has given me. 

It feels wrong the way things always seem to favour the people who don't deserve them, the way the bitch at work is the only one getting all the recognition when we all tried to chip in. 

It feels wrong for love to be so sour, for tenderness to be so bitter, tears to taste so sweet when you embrace me and ask me to hold on, to have faith, to find inner peace, to be strong; it just feels wrong. 

I am craving this....

Hang In there...

Sometimes things are difficult and it seems that they will only get worse. As you are daunted by the task of choosing between two very difficult decisions, I ask you to trust. I ask you to prioritize. I ask you to put yourself in the other person's shoes who needs your help. I ask you to really think hard on which is important, a job or a friend, in that instant. I ask you to remember, that time never comes back. 

Sometimes we trip ourselves on our own flight. Sometimes we limit ourselves because we burden our abilities with too goals to be reached which we are not even sure will result in the fulfillment that we seek. 

My dear friend, I want you to always remember this, that you have to love people and put them first before you love things. Even if that thing is your education, your job, you sense of success - but put a person, a friend first, always. Coz in this life nothing is definite, but the world is round so you can always bet what comes around goes around.

I have no right to judge or point fingers, or decide for you, all I ask you is to give me a chance so that I may influence your thoughts, clarify them, allow you to see them thrown back at you. Have you ever experienced the humbling effects of spending time with someone who is able to inspire you to be a better person without trying them even trying to influence you? That is what I am trying to do here. 

It is not always easy but at least try...

Another First....

This was then - at our family wedding dinner

A whole year has gone by, a horde of memories, some I am eager to hold on to while others I try too hard to forget. The start of this incredible journey of our life together as a married couple has been bumpy and totally worthwhile. It was the 22nd April 2011 when we said our "I do".

I used to dream of a wedding of elaborate elegance, filled with family and friends; he said he dreamt of a wedding that would make me his wife - turns out we both got our wishes. Oh my, what a journey it has been, many years have gone on, we started off as friends, and then something more into it, then love, and now husband and wife. On this incredible journey I have learnt so much about myself.

Remember how I used to drive you soo crazy with my infinite random outbursts when we were friends? Or how I had such great difficulty saying "I love you" to you even though we both knew I felt it deeply enough? Or how I was one crazy-perfectionist-incessantly worrying- stressing-nagging-and still loving bridezilla? 

Sometimes we meet certain people in our lives without realizing how much they would mean to us later. I remember how I was so sure that I would never ever ever go out with you, my friend!!!! Yikes, I knew too much about you - and you swore to prove me wrong. 

I love being married, its wonderful to find that one person to annoy for the rest of my life. Kidding, but you know that is soo true. Thank you for finally helping me uncover that one of the secrets of a successful marriage is that it requires you to fall in love many times, and always with the same person. It also means that sometimes, I have to put on a smile on my face, even if inside I feel like dying for the sake of supporting you, which is painful process of learning about my strength, our strength.

This is now, one year later, celebrated with an Ethiopian dinner

And if that is not enough, marriage is teaching me to stop at nothing for the sake of our happiness, and doing what is in our hearts when we know we are right - our determination always wins in the end, and it comes with a sweet addition of proving others wrong. 

Most importantly, marriage is about doing more than what is expected, to make another's life a little bit more bearable, without complaining too much, and appreciating so much more all the little things, the little efforts, which in the end form a habit, a ritual. I now understand that Love is appreciation of everything in the other person. I love you. 

I pray to Allah that we will have this little celebration of gratitude in finding solace in our love, in each coming year inshallah. And should He choose to bless us with a little life as a testament of what greater miracle we can create, I will be forever indebted. I am happy alhamdulilah to have reached this milestone. Who knew?? How many people still don't believe that I am the "marriagable" type, but you don't care, you just love me. How many sermons do I get about how I don't act like how a married woman is supposed to, you just don't care. How many times have I been called fat, and I get all depressed and you just remind that it doesn't matter, that it isn't about them.

So on this very auspicious occasion I want to remind you two things only: Thank you and I love you. I could not have asked for a better man to have as a husband than you. I know I am quite alot to handle, Thank you for not changing me too much and loving me back just the way I am. 

If I Should Have a Son...

If I should have a son, and he has every right in the world to call me mum, 

I would want him to know that he is always allowed to follow his dreams,
he can sail to the furthest shores and I will always be his anchor, grounding him,
he can fly to across the universe chasing them, marking his footprints on the milky way,
and I will be his trampoline, always there to cushion his fall, because my son he will fall,
and I want him to know that no matter how many times he falls, I want him to get back up,
he is allowed to cry, my baby has the  right to express all his frustrated emotions,
because a real man needs to understand how he feels before he can understand someone else.

I will tell him that this life will hit you hard, try to break your spirit, and as he rises up,
life will hit him again, trying to break his resolve, because that is the only way to truly find out
what it means to fight for what he believes, and for the impossible to be achieved.

I will teach the history of our ancestors, their strife, their struggle, their slavery and their revolution,

so that before he takes for granted everything he has, he will always know that he is blessed,
I will teach him to love people, all people, to be kind, to have empathy and to care for others, 

because if he does and his turn comes to taste strife, because for sure life will test him,
so when life does tests him, he will always find a helping, a kind smile and a pick-me-up,
so he must learn to forgive mistakes, forgive others and forgive himself.

I will tell him baby, be curious, be adventurous, I want you to try and find the cure for cancer,
or reach out to others beyond you borders, and find out as much as you can about this world. 

I want him to always speak his mind, something even his mothers is scared of doing at times,
but he is his father son, and he should try to be himself no matter what.
People will hate his big eyes, filled with wonder, hate his heart resounding with compassion,
and they will try to throw him hatred disguised in concern, feed him coldness sprinkled with fear,
but I will teach him to rise above it all, to prize his innocence and inexperience. 

I will tell him baby, I gave birth to you as well as your sister, so you are equal,
there will be no preferential treatment because you are a boy,

I will make him do the chores, so he can appreciate the work a woman goes through,
he is her protector, her shield and together its an amazing power they yield.
I will point to him the harsh realities, of other men who beat on their wives,
who abandon their children, who never want to make any sacrifices,
it is imperative that he understands that being a man is more than being male,
and he has to try and get it right, he has to find a woman who will be his equal,
his companion, his compass, his shoulder to lean on, his arms to carry him, his balance,
I will also warn him of women he needs to stay clear of, the ones who are easy on the eyes
are not always easy on the heart, his woman is not to be shared with his friend,
and no matter how hard he tries he cannot change her, so he should be more careful when
he chooses her, I will always be there when his heart is broken, try to comfort him,
mend him so he can go out there and do it all over again.

And baby, always remember that money is not the cure to your troubles in the world,
the most important things in life cannot be bought, even though money helps, 

hugs, smiles, love, laughter, good memories, cannot be bought,
He can go and see the world, but his friends and his family should be his North,
so no matter how far away he travels, he can always find his way when he is lost.

So he should cherish the friends he makes, keep them close,
Never to forget his roots, his family and the place he calls home,

to always hold family in high esteem, no matter how annoying or irritating they are,
he should always be good to them - because his momma will not live forever,
and the world is harsh, he must look after himself, keep people close,  

to always remember there is an Almighty watching over him.
Although others will laugh at his idealistic view of life, I want him to laugh
at them and look at them in the face and say, "Wait till you meet my mother!".

I Need to Remember This

I Need A Key

I wish I could have figured it by now, realised it by now, what it means to be married, the secret that old married couple have in staying happy. I wish I knew. 

Reason to be Grateful

This life is hard, hard and it kicks you in the face,
wait for you to get back up and kick you in the stomach,
but getting the wind knocked out of you is the only way
to remind your lungs how much they like the taste of air.
There is hurt here and spiderman, batman, superman is not coming,
and you may have to save yourself all by yourself.
Rain will always wash away everything if you let it and
when your body has internal flooding, it rains on your face,
salty water mapping tracks of emotions that can no longer be bottled.


There will be days like this when you open your hands
and you will only end up with blisters and bruises,
when you try to fly and the very people you are trying to save
are the ones standing in your cape,
there will be days when your boots will be filled with disappointment,
and they hand you handouts filled with war, hatred and heartache,
sprinkled with cynicism and defeat - then those are the days,
Those are the days when you have no other reasons
but to say thank you, like the way the night refuses to give up
no matter how many times the day runs away from it,
is how you should rise up no matter how many times you collapse.

Yes I make mistakes but life doesn't come with instructions,
and on the scale of one to over trusting I am pretty naive,
which is why people always take me for granted,
but this life is a journey and imagine if we traveled it,
imagine if we took life and lived it instead of examining it,
imagine if you could see the color of the wind while you ride it,
imagine if you gave other people opportunities you wish you had,
imagine if we lived life by every minute like it was the last,
imagine if we gave the poor the same opportunities as the rich,
imagine if removed the masks of "public benafactors"
and proved that they were just Robin Hoods,
then we will know that this life is hard but so very beautiful. 

I'm Lost

I am sick and tired of the way ignorance reigns, 

I am sick and tired of girls who think that being attractive is an occupation, 

I am sick and tired of people who refuse to move on from the past, 

I am sick and tired of the way we hold memories and not memorize those who hold us, 

I am sick and tired of living in a dirty and filthy streets and our houses are clean, 

I am tired of people pretending to care and only want a first hand account so they can spread it, 

I am so tired of parents forgetting their places and treating young kids like friends, 

I am tired of people like me who have so much potential and may not realise it, 

I am sick of the system put in place that institutionalize your mind and clips your imagination, 

I am sick of hearing that youths are the next generation when the elderly refuse to give them a chance. 

I am fed up with my anger that cannot be contained and poisoning me from within, 

I am fed up of telling people that things will get better when I don't believe it, 

I am fed up of always trying, always falling, always getting punched back down, 

I am fed up of thinking, of hoping of imagining that things will get better, 

I am fed up with myself for believing a new day may be different and history repeats itself, 

I am fed up of being helpless, of not having the tools to change your situation, 

I am fed up with rich relatives who pretend to care but know your problems just for a laugh, 

I am fed up with the political name calling and no one taking this poverty seriously, 

I am fed up for not believing that ten years from now, we will have achieved some development, 

I am fed up of being a girl, having beautiful words, heart and no one will listen. 

I don't want you to get me a glass of water I want you to feel my thirst, 

I want you to know about all my failed relationships, all my heartbreak, 

all my dissapointments, all my anger, and love me like I am whole, 

I don't want you to agree with me I want you to understand what I am about, 

I don't want you to illuminate my problems I can shine on my own, 

I don't want you to try and change me I want you comprehend what I am changing, 

I don't want you to appease and dry my tears I want you to hear my grief, 

I don't want you to judge me on falling short of expectations, I want you to reach my standards, 

I don't want you to just read my writing, I want you to know I am creative, 

I don't want anything from you, I just want you to find me when I am lost. 

Night and Day

When I think of us together, the way we run around after each other,
the way we brush off each other's influences, the way you try to show
the world that you don't mean as much to me as much as they think,
the way I think your petty trials to hold my attention are pathetic,
the way you go out of your way to look good in my eyes is vanity,
the way you try to pour your heart out like poetry is laughable,
the way I am so sure that I will never ever be held into your arms -
I am reminded of night and day, always right next to each other,
one will always follow the other, one always starts as the other finishes,
but determined to outrun one another, to outshine one another,
to chase one another, to never meet each other til the end of days.

Just as at the end of the night, it gets darker and light comes through,
so it is true that the light must diminish, so that darkness can engulf it,
my beginning is not your end and your end is not my starting point,
yet just like how the day was created for you to appreciate life,
to live life, to search for a better living, to appreciate all that you've been given,
so must the night give you time to rest away, to put all your problems at bay,
to relax, to see in introvert how the struggle is providing a fresh start,
then the night must blanket the sky in darkness like how your brain encloses
your mind in blankness so that it may rest, so that tomorrow you will find
the strength to do it all again or give it a try. So my end is your start.

Just like the day, starting with sparse sunshine, kissing my temple here and there,
before it starts burning, scorching making it impossible to go anywhere,
you use to always hold me, always understood me until you made me cry,
tears running down my face like the rain drops falling from the sky, even if
you strain to see where they start you cannot, but they fall down to touch you,
and you hide under the umbrella, inside a house, anywhere safe and sound,
so you do not understand the immeasurable depths in which my tears start to flow,
tucked away peacefully in your own imaginings, in your own world.

When at last you try to kiss my lips as the skies kiss the horizon,
you do not know where to start or where to end, and before you can fully
comprehend the situation, night falls, darkness slowly but surely steals into
my heart, and you try a feeble attempt to lighten my moods as the starts
litter and glitter the night sky. NO matter that there are billions of them,
what I really need is one thing from you, your heart. Like the moon
lights the night sky and radiates energy and light, I need your love,
your laughter to chase away the gloom and fill my heart with happiness.
But we are doomed to always chase one another like night and day,
sure that the other will always follow but never meet - not in this lifetime anyway. 

Frustrated

 Having spent hours and days on the exact words that I am going to write,
to explain this idea, a poem, flash of words, contained within my mind,
as I type them out and more words flow, my thoughts jumbled up until
words are formed on the screen, and I amaze myself that I was thinking
that way in the first place. I find the dictionary, the thesaurus, I  bite my lips
as I search for the perfect way to express the exact words that I want to say.

Three hours later, a nice poem before my eyes, and as I am ready to publish,
I accidentally press the wrong button and deleted in instead, having made no copies,
believe you me I am mad, mad that all the thoughts are gone, how will I summon
them when they have gone beyond my reach, back into nothing, back into a muddle
of ideas floating in my mind. I do not give up, I quickly try to find all the ways that
I could do it again, I retrace my steps, retrace the thoughts but alas ,
in the vast openness of my mind I cannot handpick them the same way again.
I cannot find the words, cannot string together meaning when my mind is clouded in
frustration. Frustration at my fingers, at myself at my mind, at my computer!!!

I have learnt my lesson the hard way. I have to make copies of whatever it is I am working on,
stored away somewhere else, not to put too much faith on the screen,
I have become so comfortable at the blogger's empty canvas I can't remember
when was the last time I used Word to write my words, when I took a piece of pen
and put it to paper. My notebook where I used to store my random thoughts,
my ideas, my writings. Even they get lost so I put all my faith in a new form.
Digitalised. yet it is not fail-safe as I have proved to myself today,
so annoyed at my frustration, I will re-create what I wrote again. 

Some Twisted Humor

 Tension is when wife is pregnant!
 Terror is when girlfriend is pregnant!
 Horror is when both are pregnant!
 Tragedy is when you are not responsible for both!
 
 The Blue Whale ejaculates over 40 gallons of sperm when mating. 
Only  10% enters the female.  And you always wondered why the sea tasted salty?
 
 Why is it that a girl looks down when you say I love you?
 To see if you really mean it!
 
 Why is sex similar to shaving?
 Well, because no matter how well you do it today,
 tomorrow you have to  do it again.
 
 Wives are funny creatures.
 They don't have sex with their husbands for weeks
 and then they want to kill the woman who does.
 
 Wife: My hubby & I have, what he calls-Olympic sex.
 Friend: Wow, must be a terrific sex life?
 Wife: Not really. It only happens once in 4 years.
 
 The stock markets now are like an old man's dick?
 Just refusing to rise, and the irony is that everyone  is still getting screwed!
  
 The saddest part of a man's body is his balls.
 The Lord Almighty sentenced them to "Hang Till Death!"
 
 A loud scream comes from the bedroom and the husband runs in.
 He sees a guy leaping out of the window.
 Wife yells: That guy just screwed me twice!
 Husband: Twice? Why didn't you call me in after he screwed you once?
 Wife: Because I thought it was you, until he started the second time.
 
 What is the difference between a chicken and a baby?
 Chicken is the result of a sitting hen while the baby
 is the result of standing cock.
  
 What's the difference between a bomb & a condom?
 In a bomb blast, population decreases
 BUT in a condom blast, population increases

My Pic For the Day

You Have Been Let Go

With the economy in recession, a lot of people have been laid off. They say when its one person its a tragedy, when its many its a statistic, what do you to the man who sits in front of you and calmly says to you, "You have been let go, the company no longer needs you in service".

Just like that. In thirteen words, my world came crashing down all over me. A million questions were exploding in my mind confusing me, images forming and disappearing just as quickly, as I sat there, dumbfounded, trying to make sense of this new development and what it would mean for me and my family. I sat there dumbfounded and my thoughts seemed to be so disoriented that they couldn't penetrate through to my lips. As I thought about the twenty years that I gave to this company, my service, my time, my life- hell even my dreams. Everything depended on this job, how am I going to afford  a home now, sending my kids to school, putting food on the table, being a man of the household. Reality can play nasty tricks to a man's mind. 

The representative continued, "You will get three months pay, medical benefits until the end of the year, then you are on your own. We are very sorry. "

Unemployed. I know three trades, I speak three languages, and I have been here for 20 years. What more do they want than that kind of loyalty? Yet how can I still want to stay so badly? Its rough out there, no guarantees. I just wanted to break down and cry, are grown man allowed to do that? Before I could answer my own thought, a tear started to trickle down my eyes making its way to my lips, leaving a salt trail behind. 

The voice across me continued, "Your resume says that you minored in creative writing. Most students work at the fast food place. You busted your brains working with an editor at a publishing company. Then you got out of college and started working here. How much did they pay you to give up on your dreams?"

"Five thousand a year." I replied. 

"At what point were you going to stop and go back on what made you happy?"

You Make Me Wanna Say, "I DO"

I have a bad habit of falling too hard too fast,
I always end up getting hurt, and I think relationship sucks,
I should just give up and get into a relationship with my bed,
no commitment needed, we just sleep together every night.
But you stole my heart, so I want to steal your last name.

Everyday is a different day, more sadness coming my way,
every heartache, every blow, and words you don't mean to say,
each one more painful than the one before yesterday,
You didn't mean to abuse me everyday, loving me is all you do today,
Blissful is my world, not quite complete until when I am with you,
Eternity is not long enough for me to pour my heart out to you.

I am  mad at myself - not you; mad for always being nice,
for getting attached, for making you my life,
for depending on you, wasting time on you, for thinking about you,
for always apologizing for things I  didn't do,
for dreaming you will change, wishing you will, knowing you won't
but most of all, mad for not hating you, which I should but I can't.

I am not worried we fight all the time, I worry when it stops,
because it makes me feel like I am not worth fighting for,
I can bite my tongue forever while you try to find yourself,
You hide behind the violence, but inside you ache,
You don't mean to hit me, hurt me, even when I turn black and blue,
I know everyone says I should leave, but you make me wanna say "I do".

On Being Alone

Never expect. Never assume. Never demand. Let it be. If it was meant to be - it will happen. 

It hurts alot when the person who made you feel so special yesterday makes you feel so unwanted today. 

When you let go of someone's hand, don't be afraid to be alone for a while, wait and be patient. It's because someone in this world will find you soon, someone who's hand will fit yours. 

You have to let go when you feel that you are hurting too much. You have to give up when love is not enough. You have to move on when things aren't like before - because there is someone out there who will love you even more. 

Being alone and being lonely are two different things. Even if you are one, you don't have to be the other. 

The worst thing in the world isn't being alone. It's being surrounded by people who make you feel like you are alone. 

Being alone is very difficult. It forces you to be with yourself. 

We truly realise that we are alone when we need others the most. 

Anniversary Coming Up

I will be damned!! A year has almost passed since we said our "I do" April is a special month this year, because it holds our first anniversary my dear. I am overwhelmed that we managed to make it this far, we got lost here and there but we always seem to come through thus far. A reason to celebrate is upon us, what can we possibly do to show each other how much we fully appreciate one another, that it has not always been easy, it has been difficult, but with trust, love and understanding we are finally standing here. We have only gotten started, we have yet to be tested some more, in our love, in our resolve. I hope that no matter what gets thrown our way, we will always make it through in someway. 19 days left only...

My Monday is This Beautiful