Girlfriend...

Thank you so much for remininding that there is more to me than just being a wife and keeping a house. I had forgotten the inner diva in me, so I want to thank you for helping me getting her out.

Ijumaa Mubarak

Daddy's Little Girl

I love you, Dad, and want you to know, 

I feel your love wherever I go, 

Whenever I've problems, you're there to assist, 

The ways you have helped me would make quite a list. 

Your wisdom and knowledge have shown me the way, 

and I'm thankful for you as I live day by day. 

I don't tell you enough how important you are, 

In my universe you're a bright shining star. 

No matter where I go in life, 

who I got married to and how much time I spent with him, 

The life I build with him and how much I love him, 

You will still always be my number one man. 

The Great Wall of China

Throw back of when I climber the Great Wall of China...they say it takes a real hero to climb it...can you spot me....hint hint the cool girl I used to be donning shades and orange and grey top...

12.12.12

Yesterday was 12th day of the 12th Month in 2012.
In short 12.12.12!!! Yeeey!!!
Everyone said that it was an extremely important day,
Because it was the last sequential date we will ever see,
13.13.13, or 14.14.14 e.t.c are dates that will never be
Everyone made it to be such a big deal, in Facebook, Twitter,
text messages, and all social networks the whole world over.
Because everyone realised that it was the last repetitive date ever.

Everyone made a big deal of it except me, Yes, maybe I am I do have issues,
But the way I see it, everyday is a non-repetitive, each day is one issued limited edition,
each moment never repeats again in our lifetime,
Yes, we are only human, we forget and time makes a fool of us all,
but its important to remember, to treat each day with special care,
too see everything through new eyes like we are seeing it for the first time,
and see everything through wizened eyes like we are seeing it for the last time.

Life is measured in time. Lets make a pledge to make each moment count.
Sure we will have the big moments like 12.12.12 coming once in a while,
but everyday moments are as important as darkness is to the night,
Lets celebrate and live life in the moments, never taking anything for granted,
No one is promised tomorrow, no one knows what tomorrow will bring,
and no one knows when this charade will end, or where one shall meet death,
so let us rejoice in each day above the ground, in each day we are given a clean slate,
each day we can start over again, we can redeem ourselves of our sins,
we can forgive our loved ones for the pains, we can make a stranger our own,
Each day, we can start to love and live again.

I'm Great in Bed!!!

7 Things Your Wife Won't Tell You

Most men have a hard time understanding women...even a woman they've been married to for years. One minute she is perfectly fine, the next she is an atomic bomb. She complains about something but when you offer advice on how to fix it, she still wont be satisfied. Let me tell you secret about women...don't worry so much about what she says, instead you should worry at what she doesn't stay.  So here is a couple of things is my short time as a married woman have taught me...and we will never say this to you...

1. All we want is YOUR LOVE!!!

When a wife shows her husband less respect, he in turn shows her less love. And when a husband shows his wife less love, she in turn shows him less respect and the vicious cycle continues over and over again. 

So if you want to make your life better, and stop this vicious cycle to become your ever ending reality, show her some love. That's all she wants. Love your wife despite her quirks, and she will overlook yours. And this woman will love you so much...and this woman will love you deep. Your wife will love you for keeps...she will love you until lemons become sweet!! 

2. She's BORED!!!

It's the same monotonous thing everyday, day in day out, week in week out. Its boring. Not only is she bored she is also tired. Tired from having to take care for the kids, running the household for you, and then pampering you - and she works too, just like you. Imagine if you had to do that all the time - full time. 

So my dear brothers, I implore you, make your wife feel special - give her a break. Take her out sometimes. Surprise her by cooking dinner or doing the dishes sometimes. Bring her favorite dessert home sometimes. Just do something, anything every now and then to break the monotony. 

3. She want's to be COMPLIMENTED!!!

Appreciation. Everybody craves to be appreciated. No one wants to feel as if the hard work they do goes unnoticed or even worse, taken for granted. It is not a woman's requirement in a marriage to clean your dirty clothes, to cook your meals, to heal you, to make you whole - but she does. And she does that on top of everything else she has to do in her life. Caring for the kids, working or going to school, striving to be a better Muslim....to mention but a few.

Show your wife that you appreciate and are thankful for the things she does to maintain you and your family. We often take our spouses for granted so much that we never let them know that we appreciate them. A simple "thank you" is a good start. 

4. She is insanely JEALOUS!!!!

There is a reason women don't care for polygamy even though it is decreed by Allah. Be very careful how you talk about other women around your wife. Don't ever compare your wife to another woman. Don't compare her to some movie star. and please DON'T compare her to your mother...and never ever compare her to your ex-wife or the other wife.

She wants to know and to believe that she is the center of your universe. So make her feel that way. Expect and respect, some jealousy from your wife. 

5. She wants you to take the lead. 

She cannot stress enough the importance of men taking the role of the leader within their families. And that is a problem with a lot of Muslim men nowadays. Not only are they not being good leaders, they are being led by their wives, (or mothers, or other women in their lives.) When will you understand that its the man who sets the tone, when you are not around we smell your cologne. 

Your wife desires and wants you to be her leader. And what better way to lead than to show her how to be a better person? A better Muslim? But you can't show her how to become better if you are not that great either...remember God made Adam before He made Eve. Therefore, you have to upgrade your Iman. You have to improve yourself and improve her in a gentle and respectful way. 

6. Surprise surprise!!! She doesn't like to NAG 

It's a common myth that women like to nag their husbands. that is not entirely true. She doesn't like to have to nag you but you make it very very hard. But even so, as women we should be grateful of the things our husbands do for us. But very often, men make it so hard for women to hold their tongue.  We want to respect you never want to hurt you. We give your our bodies but we'd rather give you our virtues. Perhaps you are always finding faults in her in she looks for things in your character to get even, perhaps you are not working, or not working hard enough and she has to take up the slack. Or perhaps you are just not that great of a guy but she loves you anyway. We give up on our dreams trying to break your walls. We bend over backwards to show you how much we care.  So dude, upgrade yourself and give her less reasons to complain or nag. 

7. More than anything, she wants a stable and HAPPY relationship with you. 

Women don't get married because they don't think it it's gonna be fun. They get married because they want a happy family life and they believe that you're gonna give it to them. Outside her religious duties, that's the most important thing in a Muslim woman's life. Raising a happy, stable family. and guess what? it's very easy for you to give it to her.

1. Stop acting like a jerk, Be a good husband to her. Be kind to her. Show her you love her.
2. Don't threaten her with divorce or taking a second wife. Yes, you have the right to do both, but using them as threats in inappropriate and detrimental to your marriage.
3. Trust in Allah, watch out for the tricks of Shaytan, and be patient with her. There's nothing Shaytan would love more than to destroy your marriage. 

See that isn't all hard. Is it now?

Mum and Dad

One of my members and biggest fan, Ms. Hawa Bayumi told me I needed to share this. I didn't write it but as she said it is worthy of this blog. Anything extraordinary here? And are you wondering why women live longer? Because they are made for the long haul....and they can't die sooner because they have a lot of things to do
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Mum and dad were watching TV when mum said, 

"I'm tired, and it's getting late. I think I'll go to bed"

She went to the kitchen to make sandwiches for the next day's lunches. Rinsed out the popcorn bowls, took the meet out of the freezer for supper the following evening, checked the cereal box levels, filled the sugar container, put spoons and bowls on the table and started the coffee pot for brewing the next morning. She then put some wet clothes in the dryer, put a load of clothes in the wash, ironed a shirt, secured a loose button. She picked up the game pieces left on the table, put the phone back on the charger and put the telephone book into the drawer. 

She yawned and stretched and headed for the bedroom. She stopped by the desk and wrote a note to the teacher, counted out some cash for the excursion and pulled a text book out from hiding under the chair. She signed a birthday card for a friend, addressed and stamped the envelope and wrote a quick note for the grocery store. She put both near her bag. Mum then washed her face with 3 in 1 cleanser, put on her Night Solution and age fighting moisturizer, brushed and flossed out her teeth. 

Dad called out, "I thought you were going to bed."

"I'm on my way" she said

She put some water on the dog dish and put the cat outside, then made sure the doors were locked and the patio light was on. She looked in on each of the kids and turned out their bedside lamps and radios, hung up a shirt, threw some dirty socks into the hamper, and had a brief conversation with the one still up doing homework. 

In her room, she set the alarm; laid out clothing for the next day, straightened up the shoe rack. She added three things to her 6 most important things to do list. She said her prayers, and visualised the accomplishment of her goals. Abaout that time, Dad turned off the TV and announced to no one in particular, 

"I'm going to bed." 

and he did without another thought.  

One Day Inshallah...

"Ya Allah, I pray that one day you give me the means and khatua to be able to go to this place. Amin!!!"

A Milestone for US!!!!

Dear everyone, 

Thank you so much for taking the time out of your busy days and spending some time on my blog. It feels surreal that we have been read by 20,0000!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Wow, I am amazed and mere words cannot describe how I feel. All I can tell you is thank you for inspiring me, keep reading right at this spot and I will do my best to keep writing. 

I only have a tiny weeny little request, can you please leave some comments on your thoughts about what you think on the different things I write about? I would love to have more direct feedback. Thank you and I promise to do my best to keep it real and keep it fresh, to amuse you, to inspire you, to move you, to hurt you, to heal you, so that I may slowly become that one person who can voice what you feel.

Mad love, 

Sabra Machano. 

Away from Facebook...

The social media is finally hitting our country by storm. Yeah so it took us a while to catch up with the rest of the world, but finally Facebook has hit Zanzibar...and everyone who is anyone is on it!!! Umbea mtupu!!!!

Facebook seems to have replaced people's need to really stay in touch, to talk to each other face to face, random "let's meet", or even texting and calling. All we do now is silently stalking everyone as a strategy to know whats going on in your friends life. As if that is all it takes, we have replaced the need for human connection to silently clicking on their updates, status, posts and other updates. 

I don't even want to go to the point where the random people add you ati because they liked your profile pic, I mean seriously roses are red, Facebook is blue, no mutual friends who the hell are you? or that random person from your previous school that you never actually talked to now wants to be your friend, or colleagues whom you may even dislike send you a friendship request. No thanks, its not a contest I don't want to have 5,000 friends and only know about 5 of them. What becomes the point? My point is IF you want to know someone for real, facebooking them should perhaps only be a start, not the only means to the end. 

Then there are birthdays!!!  That one day popularity you have on Facebook because its your birthday doesn't actually make you famous or that people really care; It's always someone's birthday on Facebook and we get that notification. You should really be grateful to people who actually remember your birthday without facebook.

Let me not even start on ugomvi na umbea that goes on kwa Facebook or stuff that become slandering and rumours because someone saw something, and then explained it and showed to someone else who then decided to embellish everything out of proportion whilst someone else is listening in with interest on issues that don't even concern them. Stop reading more into what people post than what there is, but eh if the shoe fits. Listen, you don't have to like me, I am not a Facebook status. You don't have to like what I write, and if you miss me? Stop poking me, and pick up the damn phone and call me, or better yet...come see me!!

So in light of everything I decided to give myself a break from Facebook  it was hard at first and it took  strength of character to break away from the habit; some people took a while to notice that I had de-activated my account and others didn't even notice. Eventually those who cared enough actually either called, texted, e-mailed or whatsapped me see where the hell am I and what's going on. The time away also served as a wake-up call for me to invest more in relationships I have now, to e-mail some friends, to set up Skype dates and not just stay impassively in touch yet really out of touch with people. I lasted for more than a month and I realised I didn't miss it that much and could go on for much longer, but strangely enough I needed the link it gave me to broadcast my blog more. I also came to appreciate more of all the people who take the time out to really be there for me...and I will put the effort to be there for them. I am back kwa Facebook but this time around without the manic need to constantly check what everyone is doing with their lives...I have developed a new infatuation now...with Twitter. 

A Beautiful Miracle

They say that a mother is the biggest miracle in the world. Can you see why?

Little Black Book (LBB)

The Beginning of the End...

Some people say the world will end this year. Whether it will or it will not, time will tell...

It is undeniable that we are at the beginning of the end...the beginning of the end of 2012...27 days left and we will say our goodbyes....as usual I am in one of those reflective moods. I start trying to vaguely remember what my last New Year's Resolutions were and how quickly did I let them be and just let life unfold...at its pace and terms...It undeniable that this year has had some major challenges for me, and I am still struggling through some of them, still trying to grow, to learn, to accept, to understand...you know what they say if God doesn't change your situation for a while, He wants you to change how you feel about it. 

I had planned to lose some serious weight, and its undeniable that I failed, abysmally!! I try to carry the extra weight with class and style and its not always easy. Though it has made me realise that I need to stop being internally critical and negative about my body size. I am trying to have a healthy outlook on how I look. I realise that my body is really my temple. As I begin to care for it and treat it with respect, I find myself wanting to eat a balanced diet, drinking more water, and taking more time to exercise. Fatigue diminishes the spirit and can create doubt and fear, so I am trying to rest, to be still, to not always want to be in the thick of things. I have come to accept that just as food fuels the body, laughter fuels our soul - so I want to take more time to laugh and to play.

This year has hold testament of what my mum always says, "mapenzi yanazunguka" meaning sometimes your better half loves you more than you do him, sometimes you love him more than he does you, sometimes you both can't stand one another, but you still have to hold on. My love has been tested, and most times in this year I have had to swallow my ego, my pride, push my wants aside so that hubby can be my focus, so that I can support him. Sometimes he doesn't even realise what I do for him, doesn't appreciate all the efforts, doesn't notice the pain, but its important for my heart to have the depth to swallow all this and still keep him in the pedestal I have always placed him. As my compass, as my friend, as my playmate, I have realise I need to accord him the same chances that I give my friends. Maybe then and only then, will I have matured enough and grown enough for Allah to bless me with a little life again. 

This year has made me realise that no matter how hard I try I cannot make anyone love me or appreciate me. All I can try is to be a lovable person and leave the rest to them. All I need to try is value my worth, process a new form of self approval, and confidence. Which resulted in me trying to look at my relationships as they are and not as I want them to be. I am trying to stop trying to control people, situations and outcomes. I am learning and the lesson will probably have to extend to the next year that just as people grow and change, so does love...and I have no right to demand love on my terms...just to make me happy. 

As the year ends I realise that I am not the same person who had started when this year started. Yet why is it so much easier to accept the change in the days, time, season and year and not accept the change in me, personally. Change is change, its not always good. A time has finally come when I finally get it...because in the midst of all my fears, insecurity and insanity, I stopped dead in my tracks and the somewhere inside me, in my head a voice cried out - ENOUGH!!!! Enough fighting and crying or struggling to hold on. And like a child quieting after a blind tantrum, my sobs have begun to subside, I shuddered once or twice, I blinked back my tears through a mantle of wet lashes and I promise to look at the world through new eyes. 

In these new eyes all I want to be is thankful. Thankful for all the things that Allah has blessed me with. Someone told me to stop thinking about things that I didn't get after praying, but instead to think of the countless things that I received without asking. I want to appreciate and be grateful in many simple things that  I take for granted that millions of people on earth can only dream about, food, clean water, a soft warm bed, a hot shower, and peaceful home. 

So as the beggining of the end looms nearer, I want to look forward to New Hopes, New Begginnings and

New Dreams while maintaining all the wonderful things that I have been blessed with this whole year. 

Don't Get Married If...

Today I am appreciating the work of another author, I really connected with this great piece and I wished I was eloquent enough to write such a piece. I think this is a great piece, a must read, fresh reasonable outlook ...and I loved it. What do you guys think?

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IF you are not ready to delay gratification when you are angry. To hold your tongue, lower your voice and sometimes wait till the appropriate time, day or even month before you can deal with an issue thoroughly...don't get married. Immaturity is the inability to delay gratification. Marriage is for the mature.

If you're not ready to leave center stage and allow someone else to become your focus, your study, you muse...don't get married. Selfish people make very bad spouses. In marriage you don't lose yourself - but your heart has to be big enough to gain someone else. And soon, with God's blessing, little, crying, diaper soiling, demanding little ones are coming! 

If you are not ready, to stand up and calmly deal with meddling in laws as a united front: The opinionated sister, the insensitive uncle, the domineering father, the manner less brother, the nosy aunt...don't get married. Boundaries do not exist automatically, they must be created. A good spouse is committed to respectfully stand up for and protect their marriage from meddling relatives. Don't abandon your spouse to your relatives. It's betrayal. 

If you are not ready to pay bills...don't get married. Love does not pay bills. Kenya power will not give a waiver because your love is O so strong and you gaze at each other, O so romantic.  

If you are not ready to let go of your opposite sex "best friends" and invest that into your spouse; to like, to laugh, to play, to be silly and to enjoy life with them above anyone else..don't get married. Affairs happen because people did not marry their best friends. Someone else holds their heart. Someone else gets them better. Someone else inspires them more. Marry your best friend and cultivate your friendship so that you remain best friends.

If you are not ready to stop competing with the Joneses...don't get married. Let the Joneses buy their yacht when you are still walking; and enjoy the walk. Your journeys are different. They may have to cross oceans but you may be going through a road route. A boat might not do you any good on your journey. You must be ready to pace yourselves: stop competing, stop spending your future before you get there, stop the debt, stop trying to impress people. You must be able to be content. To enjoy your journey without deciding your happiness simply by measuring your progress against other people. 

If you are not ready to be an open book; to tell the whole story of your past, deal with the memories, expose the failures and risk rejection...don't get married. It is fraud to have someone sign off their life to you without the full details. The past is a touchy and demanding friend. It always shows up in a marriage. It doesn't enjoy being ignored and the more you snob it, the bolder it becomes and the more tantrums it throws. It will mess up the "neat" and "all together lovely" image that you are struggling to maintain.

If you are not ready to let go of your philandering and wild oats farming...don't get married. Don't take somebody's son or daughter and subject them to your germs, your indiscretions and your chips fungaz. It never ends well. It's romanticized in the movies, it's being fronted as the only "realistic" way to stay married and keep the fire burning. But truth be told, the only thing that the fire will burn will be you, your spouse, and your children. That family will burn for generations in bitterness, disease, fear, failure, hatred, broken hearts and broken dreams. 

Finally, if you are not ready to let go of the adrenalin rush of a risque life and to settle down...don't get married. The great Colombus (who we are told "discovered" America, have you ever wondered if the Native Indians who were in it knew that it existed?) had a diary that was long sought for. People wanted to read about wild journeys, the sea tempest, the reckless pirates they fought, the deaths, and the danger they must have encountered. When it was found there was great disappointment  Majority of the pages simply had 5 words: "This day, we sailed on."

Marriage, like life in general, has many "we sail on" days. You have to learn to find the thrill in the normal everydayness of it. If you depend in wild romance, all night sex (Ha!), romantic cruises, wild parties, compulsive moves across continents, tempestuous fights and make up sessions to be happy, you may be disappointed. You have to learn to thrill in gentle smiles, loving hugs, knowing looks, cozy moments, shared chores, cute babies, everyday work, dreaming together, praying together and simply living together. If these things are not thrilling, exciting and satisfying, you will look for a way out. The "boom twaff" moments are still there, but they are normally punctuations to the usualness of living. They cannot be your reason for getting married. They are unsustainable on an everyday basis. The one you choose must be thrilling to you even in the most mundane of moments. 

I pray this helps someone. Remember singles, YOU HAVE THE PRIVILEGE OF CHOICE. Never let anyone pressure you into marriage. You are either ready of you're not: You decide! But please don't marry somebody and then punish them to live with your childish ways for the rest of their lives. A childish baby is cute but a childish adult is extremely frustrating. 

Marriage is for the mature and in many ways, we the married, are still being confronted with the demand to grow up everyday. If you are not ready for that demand...don't get married.

by 

Judy Karanja