Betrayed

I sit and wonder, what have i done to deserve this, 

I feel broken, hurt, wounded, 

and you are the centre of my pain, 

You caused it - the one person I run to

when my world topples upside down. 

Now you are the centre of my confusion, 

the centre of my turmoil, as my mind wanders, 

as my tears keep running down my cheeks, 

i sit dejected and defeated, 

sorrow, grief, anguish and anger 

all engulfing me at once. 

What wrong did I do to deserve this 

I tried to be the best friend to you, 

I never asked too much from you, I accepted you, 

Bent backwards and went out of my way
to be there for you

to make you reach for your dreams, 

to restore your faith in humanity

that we are not all the same, 

that friendship was the answer

I remember the good times, 

the times we laughed till we cried, 

how you would never let me do stupid things alone, 

how you could see behind the pain that I hide, 

people looked at us funny, said we didn't act our age 

you were my family, a part of me that 

God trusted me to find.

I know all about you, 

the good, the faults and everything in between,

and I still accepted you and welcomed you

into my life, my heart, and my world

If you wanted to jump off the cliff 

I would reason with you and when it all fails, 

I would ask you to wait so I can get down

to catch you and break your fall.

Now I hear about your betrayal, 

You had to be the one person to break me to the world, 

to hang my dirty laundry in public,

all in the name of you are afraid of loosing me,

all because you feel I found new friends 

that I would totally forget about you. 

the pain is unbearable, 

being heartbroken by a friend 

is the worst tidal flushing my body

I cannot register the pain, 

I cannot stop the tears of disbelief...

I trusted you: 

enough to be vulnerable around you

my weakness is,
 I dont know how to do things half way, 

how to be stab people in the back, 

I am upfront. 

I want to confront you, 

I want to tell you I know about your lies

yet you smile to my face,

and I realise it is not worth it.

You are not worth it.

so I have gone numb to deaden the pain,

I don't want to feel like this

It's not just my heart that you broke, 

but every single part of me, my ideals and dreams,

pain so deep in places I didn't know about.

Maybe all is not bad, 

maybe I am getting saved for something better,

I want to believe that someday

I will back on all of this and smile. 

Because letting you go is hard

Part of me wants to believe that we can fix this.

But you know what?

Thank you.

Thank you for teaching me. 

Thank you for being my learning curve.

Thank you for the pain, 

because I will rise above it. 

Thank you for letting me know

that I am not invincible. 

Thank you for showing me 

that sometimes, 

when something breaks,

It is better to leave it broken 

than hurt myself trying to fix it.