Tears

I have a million words that I am trying not to say, I have to quiet my heart and force my mouth from blurting all my thought, suffocate the screams that are threatening to unleash forth...and I put a smile on my face and face another day.

Why wont the tears listen? I am not crying today. This is nothing new, it has happened before and chances are it will happen again. Why are the tears still flowing? Why wont my body stop acknowledging the pain ripping me into pieces? Why won't my hide the hurt and tuck it back to sleep behind the eyelids? Instead, its raining sorrow and sadness.

They come at no warning. I could be doing something normal or a small thing could happen and there they come...at the most inconvenient time. Why are the tears still there? I have cried countless nights, sorrowful deep sobs that shake my world, I have had panic attacks, couldn't breathe kind of tears, yet why wont they leave me alone in a time like this? Why would an innocent question open the gates of darkness?

May the tears continue to fall anyway, its okay. I have become accustomed to this. I can wipe them away. I can turn my back on the pain. Nothing will make it better except time and forgiveness, so for now I will crumble and become dust. For now the tears will plaster the pieces of me together like glue so I don't lose myself. These tears are washing away the pestering wounds deep inside that refuse to come out. These tears are a testament that I am capable of feeling crippling pain and run my life forward, the baggage I carry and refuse to feel its weight when I have life to live may come at unwelcome times and rob me of sleep and strangle me, so my tears are my constant companion, whether you can see them or not.