...Homesick for the first time...

For the first time in my life I am homesick. Don't get me wrong, I have travelled to different places in different amounts of time yet I have never ever missed home like how I miss it now when I have only been away for one week. It doesn't even compare to that time that I was in Beijing for a month...I didn't miss home like this.  I am a weird walking contradiction. When i am home, all I want to do is leave, flex my wings, travel experience different places. Zanzibar is seriously clausterphobic for us locals and it should never be taken more than three months at a time dosage. (well that's my personal policy, ofcourse if its possible a lower dosage of that place is always advisable) So far, any time I have ever been homesick when I am away from home I know that it is cured by landing in that place, see some familiar faces and I am ready to jet off to another place.

Yet this time its different, this time I really really really miss home. Don't get me wrong I love SA, I love going out, the place, the shopping, the braai, so much of this place is appealing to me but I am craving for my home. Maybe its this life growing inside me so restless with being in a foreign land, maybe because this wonderful country cannot cater for my weird cravings that I am counting the days, hours and minutes until I am home. 

If I am honest, what i miss most about home is You. I miss knowing that you are there. I know you are just a phonecall, whatsapp, facebook away but you are not here next to me. You are not here to hold me. You are not here for me to hog the sheets from, you are not here for me to annoy, I miss you more than I have ever missed you before. I realise so much of what I take for granted just because that you are always there at home for me. Imagine this I even miss your snoring. So for the first time in my life, I am homesick for real. I am homesick for you, because when I am in your arms, I am home. So my home is where you are. 

Its Official - The BEST meat is made in SOUTH AFRICA!!!

Its official that South Africa makes the best barbeque!!! or as they call it a braai!!! its heavenly and its the only thing that I want to have...yummmmmmmmmmmyyyyy!!!

The weird Tourist

I have been in Pretoria South-Africa for more than a week now and i cannot believe that I do not even have a single picture to remind me of this place. I did carry my camera with me and i just seem to never be able to take it with me and capture the memories that i am making. 

Maybe my initial disappointment has not been completely wiped from my memory when the airline lost my luggage and i had to struggle for a few days with the only clothes i have on my body, better still it gave an even better inclination to go shopping, to replenish my wardrobe while i prayed for my bag to be found and delivered to me as soon as possible.

It was on such a note that i decided to go to a shopping mall the next day and spoil myself, because thank God, I kept my roll of dollars close at heart. After a wonderful dinner at my favourite restaurant here, i went around shops and as usual i bought things that i did not need but oooh the prices were totally irresistable. Back at the hotel i browsed through my dinner quickly had a glass of milk and went to rest...

...only to wake up in the morning feeling sick all over the place...they told me it was food poisoning...what a damped start to my fabulous two weeks getaway... 

Just saying...

And the answer is NO.

I hate that feeling when I am trying my hardest not to cry in-front of someone, because I don't want them to feel the depth of pain their words just caused. A smiling face pretending to care how you feel  renders the blow that shatters a dream which had just begun to take form, to take shape, just had a few days to be realised. Now it lay shattered in pieces.

Maybe I am over-reacting to simple denial at a request to be allowed to go to school to pursue further studies. I was so set for this. I was ready. I lived each day on the hope that it was just a matter of time and I was counting the days. Now they have the audacity to tell me I have to wait for another two years to go; yet two years ago they told me that I hadn't worked long enough to earn a leave to go back to school. They are toying with me, playing with my time, playing with my life. All I do is let them.

After all I have been through, I am just going to quit, just like that? Nope, I have to fight like hell until I can't fight any longer. I am going to rise again, go somewhere even more splendid than what I originally wanted, just so that I can prove to them and to my self that, I can because I am. 

My Pic of that day...

It was one of those moments in my life which felt too surreal for it to really be all mine. A part of me, a part of my life...I want to hold on to it for a longtime, basking in the beauty of making a human connection...A familiar face I knew from a lifetime ago, make that two, a confident woman smiling at me through the innocence of a girl; while a young boy was looking at me through the eyes of a man. Two people who knew from when I didn't even know who I am. Beside me sat a husband, whose first time it was meeting all of them.

The four of us, Jaa, Mahir, Hubby and I met at Forodhani for a talk of my life. Until I sat down I didn't know that I will meet the Past, the Present and the Future on that very same day, a chilly night, the sea calmed down, surrounded by busts of life, a distant aromatic food flavors, and fashion parades...You and your bro came dressed in casual elegance and I felt overdressed...(partly because hubby and I just came back from a dinner date..)

I felt humbled beneath the emotions you held in your eyes for me, I wasn't worth all that. I wasn't worth the awe, the respect, the care, the love and the mostly the undivided attention. I know they say the best mirror is an old friend but boy what an awakening!! We shared so many jokes, remeninced about the past, even the part of how I used to be such a bully sometimes, the good parts of the pasts which make you look up to me, hubby and I being our crazy selves, the so many questions of marriage from you guys. You two made us re-visit our past of how we used to be, how come we got married, what does marriage means, what does it take to stay happily married - only for you to sum us up as a "cute couple" sheeesh!!! gossiping about old friends who shall remain nameless who seem unfazed and haven't changed a bit with time...discussing your life where you are, and the one question I really wanted to ask, I couldn't or didn't... and what a beautiful gift I have found in your brother, I have rediscovered a new/old friend in him...

Somethings you said to me got to me in ways you could never imagine, for example that you look up to me for the simple fact of being me in a world that is constantly trying to change me. I realised that you got it twisted, it is me who looks up to you - like I told you I actually stalk your facebook and mpaka you had to make me your honorary weirdo, which is an honor. And Mahir, dang...he is good. He seems so much older, so much wiser, and I loved the way they hit it off so well with hubby...I am gonna miss you too much, actually I missed you from the moment you stepped down from the car...

I carried a camera with me so I can take photos of this day, so I can remember it after many years, that moment, the laughs, the conversations, the company, the setting, the comradeship, and guess what the weirdo decides to do - I forgot to take the pictures!!! The camera lay forgotten in my purse as we got lost in the beauty of that night, and one us couldn't handle it all...and fell asleep on my lap. All is not lost for I have tried to print the picture of that perfect summer night with my words, and I hope you love the snapshot that I took of that day through the lens of my heart, stored in my memories which I developed today for you with words to always bring a smile on your face...

Congratulations, you have just viewed our snapshot of the future, the present and the past.