Ijumaa Kareem People

Life in Now

It is amazing how much time we waste on unimportant things. The time we spend showing off to our friends and family. The time we create an unrealistic image of our lives on social networks. The time we worry about all the things that we have no control over. Life is not about keeping score. We are so focused on everything else, preparing, creating, dieting, saving, waiting we forget that in life we don't have second chances of moments lost. There is no rehearsal. It is a live show, so lets live accordingly to whatever we believe in. Celebrate being here, now, it could me much worse. 

Here's to New Things...

This year I have made a number of goals for myself that I would like to see through. I would rather not call them resolutions since I will abandon them by end of February.

I want to learn from the mistakes that I made this year, and learn from them. Make new ones in 2014.

I want to learn to balance my life, as a mother, a wife, person and working full time.

I want to go to grad school.

Be healthy, be active, eat better, losing weight should not be my ultimate goal, I want to challenge myself to love me and be comfortable with me at any size - as healthy as possible.

Be kinder to myself as I age.

Be grateful for all my blessings.

Forgive all those who have hurt me and let go.

Write more.

Inspire my child and husband.

Listen more and talk less.

I want to be good enough and aim for excellence, not strive for perfection. 

The Beginning of the End...

Some people say the world will end this year. Whether it will or it will not, time will tell...

It is undeniable that we are at the beginning of the end...the beginning of the end of 2012...27 days left and we will say our goodbyes....as usual I am in one of those reflective moods. I start trying to vaguely remember what my last New Year's Resolutions were and how quickly did I let them be and just let life unfold...at its pace and terms...It undeniable that this year has had some major challenges for me, and I am still struggling through some of them, still trying to grow, to learn, to accept, to understand...you know what they say if God doesn't change your situation for a while, He wants you to change how you feel about it. 

I had planned to lose some serious weight, and its undeniable that I failed, abysmally!! I try to carry the extra weight with class and style and its not always easy. Though it has made me realise that I need to stop being internally critical and negative about my body size. I am trying to have a healthy outlook on how I look. I realise that my body is really my temple. As I begin to care for it and treat it with respect, I find myself wanting to eat a balanced diet, drinking more water, and taking more time to exercise. Fatigue diminishes the spirit and can create doubt and fear, so I am trying to rest, to be still, to not always want to be in the thick of things. I have come to accept that just as food fuels the body, laughter fuels our soul - so I want to take more time to laugh and to play.

This year has hold testament of what my mum always says, "mapenzi yanazunguka" meaning sometimes your better half loves you more than you do him, sometimes you love him more than he does you, sometimes you both can't stand one another, but you still have to hold on. My love has been tested, and most times in this year I have had to swallow my ego, my pride, push my wants aside so that hubby can be my focus, so that I can support him. Sometimes he doesn't even realise what I do for him, doesn't appreciate all the efforts, doesn't notice the pain, but its important for my heart to have the depth to swallow all this and still keep him in the pedestal I have always placed him. As my compass, as my friend, as my playmate, I have realise I need to accord him the same chances that I give my friends. Maybe then and only then, will I have matured enough and grown enough for Allah to bless me with a little life again. 

This year has made me realise that no matter how hard I try I cannot make anyone love me or appreciate me. All I can try is to be a lovable person and leave the rest to them. All I need to try is value my worth, process a new form of self approval, and confidence. Which resulted in me trying to look at my relationships as they are and not as I want them to be. I am trying to stop trying to control people, situations and outcomes. I am learning and the lesson will probably have to extend to the next year that just as people grow and change, so does love...and I have no right to demand love on my terms...just to make me happy. 

As the year ends I realise that I am not the same person who had started when this year started. Yet why is it so much easier to accept the change in the days, time, season and year and not accept the change in me, personally. Change is change, its not always good. A time has finally come when I finally get it...because in the midst of all my fears, insecurity and insanity, I stopped dead in my tracks and the somewhere inside me, in my head a voice cried out - ENOUGH!!!! Enough fighting and crying or struggling to hold on. And like a child quieting after a blind tantrum, my sobs have begun to subside, I shuddered once or twice, I blinked back my tears through a mantle of wet lashes and I promise to look at the world through new eyes. 

In these new eyes all I want to be is thankful. Thankful for all the things that Allah has blessed me with. Someone told me to stop thinking about things that I didn't get after praying, but instead to think of the countless things that I received without asking. I want to appreciate and be grateful in many simple things that  I take for granted that millions of people on earth can only dream about, food, clean water, a soft warm bed, a hot shower, and peaceful home. 

So as the beggining of the end looms nearer, I want to look forward to New Hopes, New Begginnings and

New Dreams while maintaining all the wonderful things that I have been blessed with this whole year. 

I Toast to YOU: Thank You

I raise this toast to YOU who is reading this:

"Thank you so much for a dropping by the blog, it may have been by curiosity, and you find yourself coming back for more. Sometimes it may be because of the graphics, some just to check it out, while others have been referred here, and some friends have started to use this blog as a gauge to how I am feeling at any given moment, and a few who actually have become loyal readers, giving feedback and really appreciate the writings and random madness. So from curious, to readers, to fans, to followers and to members, I want to say thank you so much. The total page reviews have hit more than 9,000!!!! Wow!!! SO this is to YOU, thank you so much for helping me bring this to you and trying to keep it coming, challenging more, keeping me sane, helping me, and in doing so I hope to do the same for you. Again, Thank YOU!!!"

#Real Talk

1. If you are single and you keep on saying, "I don't trust men or women" remember...your mates are getting married every Saturday. Let me ask you, are they marrying spirits? #Wise Up.

2. If you are married and you keep saying, "I hate this marriage", Ok! Is it not married people like you that are celebrating Gold, Silver and even Platinum jubilee? #Make it better. 

3. If you are in a relationship and keep on ranting, "I'm leaving my man, he cheated on me!" Please, go to town and see all the fine, cute, sexy, hot, hungry and desperate chicks waiting to snatch your man's money and property; they don't even mind sharing. #Work it out. 

4. Stop saying "I hate my job!" Look, 20 million people are jobless and can't even find any jobs, let alone talk of keeping it. Do you want to join them? #Stop whining. 

5. You keep saying, "I hate where I live!" Oh please  *tears*, try visiting these locations that are flooding now, people are living in tin/zinc shacks in winter of people living/sleeping under the bridge at night. You better be grateful to God that you even have a place to stay. #Be grateful.

6. When someone says "I am tired of this life!" Well, go to the hospital and see people fighing for their lives! Better yet, go to the mortuary and take a look and then tell me what you feel after that! #Life is good.

In short always be positive. If you can't, believe that God will make it better, and that's all that matters. #keep the faith. 

Thank You Love...

I can be a challenge.
It might be difficult to wake up next to me every morning.
To get out of bed and to put on that smile.
To put an effort in loving me when I least deserve it.
I want you to know, that smile, that faith and that love
is what keeps me going some days.
Even through the rough times, you remind me that you are amazing.
You really are. 

I know that I am not perfect.
sometimes I turn my back on you instead of embracing you.
sometimes I take you for granted.
Sometimes I judge you on the pedestal I put my girlfriends.
Other times I use the things you tell me against you,
I manipulate you to get what I want from you - and you let me get away with it,
understanding me enough to let it be.
Most times I love how you try to love me with all the imperfections,
put up with incessant chatter, the worries and pressures I put myself through,
and even calling me beautiful on my fat days. 

For all the times that I am too self absorbed in my faults,
and you show me how perfect God made me for you; 

For all the times I beat myself up, you just hold me and let me rant; 

For all the times I mess up when I didn't listen to you and you refrain from saying "I told you so.";

For all the moments I have been blessed to spend with you, all the love you have been showing me;

I want to say thank you.

I want you to know that I love you.
And that I thank God everyday that He chose to send someone as wonderful as you into my life.
I want to promise you that I will not love you for the rest of your life,
because I am not sure if I will always be there.
I do promise you that I will love you for the rest of mine.
Thank you dear  Lord, I am eternally grateful for this miracle in my life
that you blessed me to live with everyday. 

Laugh

When anger is brewing inside me,

all my past sorrows tend to engulf my senses, 

I want to scream, because life is so full of bitterness, 

I am exhausted of trying, of failing before I start, 

I want to curl on on the ground and let it swallow me. 

Then I see a child smiling at me, 

the smile going all the way to her eyes..

I cant help myself, and I find myself smiling with her, 

and she gives me that gurgling sound, of ecstasy; 

its like she knew just what I needed. 

I looked inside myself and willed my heart 

to remove the sorrow from my face, 

to remove the gloom in my eyes, 

to remove the drooping of my head, 

and energize me from inside. 

Laugh - the little voice inside of me said.

Laughter is the best medicine for everything it said, 

even the cloud breaks, and the sun shines after a storm.

As I smiled and willed laughter to come fourth, 

the gloom inside me started to vanish. 

Baby steps, smiling, twirling into a laugh, 

as I laughed at myself, the stupid things I do, 

my jaws and my rib hurt, and tears started to run, 

Isn't it funny? how laughter is like crying without the pain. 

So I finally found my recipe for happiness, 

smile - laughter - gratitude. 

Smiling is infectious, I will give it out to any who needs it.

Laughter is best for everything - I will laugh for me.

Gratitude for all the blessing bestowed on me. I will exalt Him.