A Milestone for US!!!!

Dear everyone, 

Thank you so much for taking the time out of your busy days and spending some time on my blog. It feels surreal that we have been read by 20,0000!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Wow, I am amazed and mere words cannot describe how I feel. All I can tell you is thank you for inspiring me, keep reading right at this spot and I will do my best to keep writing. 

I only have a tiny weeny little request, can you please leave some comments on your thoughts about what you think on the different things I write about? I would love to have more direct feedback. Thank you and I promise to do my best to keep it real and keep it fresh, to amuse you, to inspire you, to move you, to hurt you, to heal you, so that I may slowly become that one person who can voice what you feel.

Mad love, 

Sabra Machano. 

Away from Facebook...

The social media is finally hitting our country by storm. Yeah so it took us a while to catch up with the rest of the world, but finally Facebook has hit Zanzibar...and everyone who is anyone is on it!!! Umbea mtupu!!!!

Facebook seems to have replaced people's need to really stay in touch, to talk to each other face to face, random "let's meet", or even texting and calling. All we do now is silently stalking everyone as a strategy to know whats going on in your friends life. As if that is all it takes, we have replaced the need for human connection to silently clicking on their updates, status, posts and other updates. 

I don't even want to go to the point where the random people add you ati because they liked your profile pic, I mean seriously roses are red, Facebook is blue, no mutual friends who the hell are you? or that random person from your previous school that you never actually talked to now wants to be your friend, or colleagues whom you may even dislike send you a friendship request. No thanks, its not a contest I don't want to have 5,000 friends and only know about 5 of them. What becomes the point? My point is IF you want to know someone for real, facebooking them should perhaps only be a start, not the only means to the end. 

Then there are birthdays!!!  That one day popularity you have on Facebook because its your birthday doesn't actually make you famous or that people really care; It's always someone's birthday on Facebook and we get that notification. You should really be grateful to people who actually remember your birthday without facebook.

Let me not even start on ugomvi na umbea that goes on kwa Facebook or stuff that become slandering and rumours because someone saw something, and then explained it and showed to someone else who then decided to embellish everything out of proportion whilst someone else is listening in with interest on issues that don't even concern them. Stop reading more into what people post than what there is, but eh if the shoe fits. Listen, you don't have to like me, I am not a Facebook status. You don't have to like what I write, and if you miss me? Stop poking me, and pick up the damn phone and call me, or better yet...come see me!!

So in light of everything I decided to give myself a break from Facebook  it was hard at first and it took  strength of character to break away from the habit; some people took a while to notice that I had de-activated my account and others didn't even notice. Eventually those who cared enough actually either called, texted, e-mailed or whatsapped me see where the hell am I and what's going on. The time away also served as a wake-up call for me to invest more in relationships I have now, to e-mail some friends, to set up Skype dates and not just stay impassively in touch yet really out of touch with people. I lasted for more than a month and I realised I didn't miss it that much and could go on for much longer, but strangely enough I needed the link it gave me to broadcast my blog more. I also came to appreciate more of all the people who take the time out to really be there for me...and I will put the effort to be there for them. I am back kwa Facebook but this time around without the manic need to constantly check what everyone is doing with their lives...I have developed a new infatuation now...with Twitter. 

A Beautiful Miracle

They say that a mother is the biggest miracle in the world. Can you see why?

Little Black Book (LBB)

The Beginning of the End...

Some people say the world will end this year. Whether it will or it will not, time will tell...

It is undeniable that we are at the beginning of the end...the beginning of the end of 2012...27 days left and we will say our goodbyes....as usual I am in one of those reflective moods. I start trying to vaguely remember what my last New Year's Resolutions were and how quickly did I let them be and just let life unfold...at its pace and terms...It undeniable that this year has had some major challenges for me, and I am still struggling through some of them, still trying to grow, to learn, to accept, to understand...you know what they say if God doesn't change your situation for a while, He wants you to change how you feel about it. 

I had planned to lose some serious weight, and its undeniable that I failed, abysmally!! I try to carry the extra weight with class and style and its not always easy. Though it has made me realise that I need to stop being internally critical and negative about my body size. I am trying to have a healthy outlook on how I look. I realise that my body is really my temple. As I begin to care for it and treat it with respect, I find myself wanting to eat a balanced diet, drinking more water, and taking more time to exercise. Fatigue diminishes the spirit and can create doubt and fear, so I am trying to rest, to be still, to not always want to be in the thick of things. I have come to accept that just as food fuels the body, laughter fuels our soul - so I want to take more time to laugh and to play.

This year has hold testament of what my mum always says, "mapenzi yanazunguka" meaning sometimes your better half loves you more than you do him, sometimes you love him more than he does you, sometimes you both can't stand one another, but you still have to hold on. My love has been tested, and most times in this year I have had to swallow my ego, my pride, push my wants aside so that hubby can be my focus, so that I can support him. Sometimes he doesn't even realise what I do for him, doesn't appreciate all the efforts, doesn't notice the pain, but its important for my heart to have the depth to swallow all this and still keep him in the pedestal I have always placed him. As my compass, as my friend, as my playmate, I have realise I need to accord him the same chances that I give my friends. Maybe then and only then, will I have matured enough and grown enough for Allah to bless me with a little life again. 

This year has made me realise that no matter how hard I try I cannot make anyone love me or appreciate me. All I can try is to be a lovable person and leave the rest to them. All I need to try is value my worth, process a new form of self approval, and confidence. Which resulted in me trying to look at my relationships as they are and not as I want them to be. I am trying to stop trying to control people, situations and outcomes. I am learning and the lesson will probably have to extend to the next year that just as people grow and change, so does love...and I have no right to demand love on my terms...just to make me happy. 

As the year ends I realise that I am not the same person who had started when this year started. Yet why is it so much easier to accept the change in the days, time, season and year and not accept the change in me, personally. Change is change, its not always good. A time has finally come when I finally get it...because in the midst of all my fears, insecurity and insanity, I stopped dead in my tracks and the somewhere inside me, in my head a voice cried out - ENOUGH!!!! Enough fighting and crying or struggling to hold on. And like a child quieting after a blind tantrum, my sobs have begun to subside, I shuddered once or twice, I blinked back my tears through a mantle of wet lashes and I promise to look at the world through new eyes. 

In these new eyes all I want to be is thankful. Thankful for all the things that Allah has blessed me with. Someone told me to stop thinking about things that I didn't get after praying, but instead to think of the countless things that I received without asking. I want to appreciate and be grateful in many simple things that  I take for granted that millions of people on earth can only dream about, food, clean water, a soft warm bed, a hot shower, and peaceful home. 

So as the beggining of the end looms nearer, I want to look forward to New Hopes, New Begginnings and

New Dreams while maintaining all the wonderful things that I have been blessed with this whole year. 

Don't Get Married If...

Today I am appreciating the work of another author, I really connected with this great piece and I wished I was eloquent enough to write such a piece. I think this is a great piece, a must read, fresh reasonable outlook ...and I loved it. What do you guys think?

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IF you are not ready to delay gratification when you are angry. To hold your tongue, lower your voice and sometimes wait till the appropriate time, day or even month before you can deal with an issue thoroughly...don't get married. Immaturity is the inability to delay gratification. Marriage is for the mature.

If you're not ready to leave center stage and allow someone else to become your focus, your study, you muse...don't get married. Selfish people make very bad spouses. In marriage you don't lose yourself - but your heart has to be big enough to gain someone else. And soon, with God's blessing, little, crying, diaper soiling, demanding little ones are coming! 

If you are not ready, to stand up and calmly deal with meddling in laws as a united front: The opinionated sister, the insensitive uncle, the domineering father, the manner less brother, the nosy aunt...don't get married. Boundaries do not exist automatically, they must be created. A good spouse is committed to respectfully stand up for and protect their marriage from meddling relatives. Don't abandon your spouse to your relatives. It's betrayal. 

If you are not ready to pay bills...don't get married. Love does not pay bills. Kenya power will not give a waiver because your love is O so strong and you gaze at each other, O so romantic.  

If you are not ready to let go of your opposite sex "best friends" and invest that into your spouse; to like, to laugh, to play, to be silly and to enjoy life with them above anyone else..don't get married. Affairs happen because people did not marry their best friends. Someone else holds their heart. Someone else gets them better. Someone else inspires them more. Marry your best friend and cultivate your friendship so that you remain best friends.

If you are not ready to stop competing with the Joneses...don't get married. Let the Joneses buy their yacht when you are still walking; and enjoy the walk. Your journeys are different. They may have to cross oceans but you may be going through a road route. A boat might not do you any good on your journey. You must be ready to pace yourselves: stop competing, stop spending your future before you get there, stop the debt, stop trying to impress people. You must be able to be content. To enjoy your journey without deciding your happiness simply by measuring your progress against other people. 

If you are not ready to be an open book; to tell the whole story of your past, deal with the memories, expose the failures and risk rejection...don't get married. It is fraud to have someone sign off their life to you without the full details. The past is a touchy and demanding friend. It always shows up in a marriage. It doesn't enjoy being ignored and the more you snob it, the bolder it becomes and the more tantrums it throws. It will mess up the "neat" and "all together lovely" image that you are struggling to maintain.

If you are not ready to let go of your philandering and wild oats farming...don't get married. Don't take somebody's son or daughter and subject them to your germs, your indiscretions and your chips fungaz. It never ends well. It's romanticized in the movies, it's being fronted as the only "realistic" way to stay married and keep the fire burning. But truth be told, the only thing that the fire will burn will be you, your spouse, and your children. That family will burn for generations in bitterness, disease, fear, failure, hatred, broken hearts and broken dreams. 

Finally, if you are not ready to let go of the adrenalin rush of a risque life and to settle down...don't get married. The great Colombus (who we are told "discovered" America, have you ever wondered if the Native Indians who were in it knew that it existed?) had a diary that was long sought for. People wanted to read about wild journeys, the sea tempest, the reckless pirates they fought, the deaths, and the danger they must have encountered. When it was found there was great disappointment  Majority of the pages simply had 5 words: "This day, we sailed on."

Marriage, like life in general, has many "we sail on" days. You have to learn to find the thrill in the normal everydayness of it. If you depend in wild romance, all night sex (Ha!), romantic cruises, wild parties, compulsive moves across continents, tempestuous fights and make up sessions to be happy, you may be disappointed. You have to learn to thrill in gentle smiles, loving hugs, knowing looks, cozy moments, shared chores, cute babies, everyday work, dreaming together, praying together and simply living together. If these things are not thrilling, exciting and satisfying, you will look for a way out. The "boom twaff" moments are still there, but they are normally punctuations to the usualness of living. They cannot be your reason for getting married. They are unsustainable on an everyday basis. The one you choose must be thrilling to you even in the most mundane of moments. 

I pray this helps someone. Remember singles, YOU HAVE THE PRIVILEGE OF CHOICE. Never let anyone pressure you into marriage. You are either ready of you're not: You decide! But please don't marry somebody and then punish them to live with your childish ways for the rest of their lives. A childish baby is cute but a childish adult is extremely frustrating. 

Marriage is for the mature and in many ways, we the married, are still being confronted with the demand to grow up everyday. If you are not ready for that demand...don't get married.

by 

Judy Karanja