Honey, I am Sorry

I could not take the anticipation any longer, I waited for weeks for this moment, she was always flagging my advances, enjoying the hunger printed all over my face, toying with my emotions, my manhood throbbing demanding release, and she always said NO. Until today that is - Finally. Today is that day when I have won her over and brought her home with me. In my mind I was devouring her, ripping off her dress that clung tightly to her  curvaceous body and taking her right there, on the living room floor - but that might piss her off and like a butterfly flutter off so I start with an elaborate foreplay. As I was slowly undressing her, inhaling her scent, deep into my lungs, my lips frantically searching hers and when I found them, her resistance broken, reaching in and yielding her very soul to that kiss, I was a lost man, swimming in the moment, enjoying the sensations rippling in my body, tingling to my nerve ends. Breathing deeply and quietly giving a soft command to my trapped manhood to lay low, and it was only a matter of time before he can enter into the promised land. 

Lost in the magic of her embrace I heard a sound that I couldn't quite place nor comprehend, and suddenly a piercing scream sounded in the room jolting me to a harsh reality and breaking free of the woman holding me. My wife, standing there shaking, indignation, disbelief, anger, fear, hatred and so many emotions flitting in and out of her face that I could not read not them fast enough. The groceries scattered on the floor, and tears were slowly mapping rivers on her beautiful face. My mind went frantic, what the hell is going on. She wasn't supposed to be here, she was supposed to be in a business trip to be back next week. What is she doing here, do I run out or run her out - both are not options because she lives here too. 

My wife started breathing slowly as took in the scene, she composed herself, kicking off her prada shoes and setting down her chanel handbag on the couch,  a whiff of her paco robane million dollar lady scent wafting towards me. She slowly picked up her groceries, put them back in their bags and slowly put them inside. Her face was an inscrutable mask now as she slowly found her way into the kitchen to make herself a stiff drink. 

Seeing the window of opportunity, I quickly ushered the woman outside and gave her money for a cab and softly close the door behind me. Leaning into it, needing the support offered by the heavy oak door, breathing deeply, as I slowly turn around...I find her sitting down cross legged, sophisticated and poised as ever, and she pointed for me to sit down too. 

Instantly my alarm system started rocketing off, screaming at me run for my life. I would take a yelling, swearing, crying lady anytime over this calm calculated woman sitting before me. I shrunk to the size of an aspirin, and finally she spoke to me,

"I have only one question for you, why?"

That was a very difficult question she posed, knowing my wife, what she meant was, "why would you cheat on my, why her, why in our home, why would you hurt me like this, what have I ever done to deserve you to do me wrong like this" And I knew in my heart of hearts, that no matter what I said, there is no correct response that will wipe away the trace of the memory of seeing me locked in her embrace, nothing I will say will make her understand my betrayal, no million words I can ever say to properly answer her single "why". Hell even I don't know why. So should I just tell her that I was just being an average piece of shit, not thinking with my head but with my dick??? Nah she is too smart for that, countless of times she told me, IF I ever tire of her I should tell her, she is always insisting on communication to tell her how she makes me feel, and she told me, if I ever really needed to cheat, can I please have the decency to find a better woman than her?? (okay, she was joking but she probably meant it!!)  All these thoughts were taunting me, and words failed me as I tried to speak. 

She continued, "I am waiting, I have all day..."

I didn't know what to say. Can she handle the truth? That its partly her fault and partly mine. She is never home, always busy trying to reach for her dreams, trying to make more money, to be empowered, she has to work hard to be able to afford the expensive things she wants for herself. Because even though we are together I can't seem to ever give her enough, she always wants more and more is expensive. How can I tell her she has changed so much that I don't know the woman sitting before me, the woman I first fell in love with feels like a figment of my imagination. How can I tell her while she is striving to be equal to a man, she is not being a woman doing womanly things to her man, like cook for me, clean for me, make love to me at demand, dress to impress me, you know the things she used to do when we were in our honeymoon phase. She reads too many of those glossy magazines that seem to undermine her confidence and no matter what I say she never believes me. How can I tell her that she makes me feel like I am not enough for her anymore. Yet how can I justify trying to fill the void in our relationship by a momentary high gained by being with that other woman? How can she understand that I just wanted to feel something new? Or that I wanted to feel like a man, a real man. Will she believe me if I tell her I never meant to hurt her, that my mind hadn't even conjured up the possibility that I might get caught and I would be in this situation.

The only words that managed to escape my lips were, "Honey, I am very sorry..."