To My Child

People change for two reasons, you learn enough that you want to,
or you have been hurt enough that you have to.
My child, there is much in the world to make us afraid,
there is much more faith in the world to make us un-afraid.
Worrying wont keep the bad stuff from happening, it just keeps the good - yet

I worry about the kind of person I will bring into this world, I want to stop; I wish I could

I ask myself how can I want to bring a child, my child into this world?

and I realise its because there is no other world, and my child has no other way into it.

Your mother my child is an imperfect woman, still trying to find herself,
I fear for you my child that you will inherit my stubborn nature,
I have to pay attention to how I live my life because other people are,
I don't want you to be on the receiving end of all my scars,
I don't want to project unto you my failed hopes and frayed dreams,
My ambitions, strife for success are not as wonderful as they seem
How can God entrust me to be your guidance as you inhabit the earth,
When I try to define myself feels like I am trying to bite my own teeth.

A real mother is never alone in her thoughts;
She always has to think twice, one for herself and one for her child.
A real mother understands what a child does not say,
She instinctively comprehends the words in babble that you cry,
A real mother's work is never done,
She has classes to teach, food to cook and shoes to shine.
A real mother's love is spelled with T-I-M-E,

She has to juggle, balance, sacrifice and find the reason and rhymes, 

A real mother is the holiest person alive,
Her prayers follow you everywhere, and get there before you arrive.

Now that I am grown I understand how much work a mother does,
to love and raise and keep a family together is the highest priority she has,
My child, live for what tomorrow has to offer and not what yesterday took away,
God sometimes removes someone from our lives for our own protection - and that
Pain makes you stronger, fear makes you braver and heartbreak makes you wiser.
Making the decision to have you is momentous - we are deciding
to forever have our hearts go walking outside our bodies. 

In your father I have found a heart that will love me at my worst,
Mind to understand my needs and hands to hold me at my weakest.
I try to expect nothing but I am open for anything,

I didn't look for happiness but I didn't settle for anything less.
My child, I want to be your nurse, seamstress, washerwoman,
cook, teacher, angel and saint;
and your father wants to be your guide, exempler and friend.
No servants to come between.
Only then will you be born to the best fortune we can give.
If I could make you comprehend the thoughts in my mind you wouldn't believe,
Why I am even feeling like this...and  You my darling have not yet been concieved.