Monday, October 15, 2012

Aint if funny

Am I really such a bad friend to warrant this behaviour from you??? What have I done that is so so wrong? Where have I gone such off course to deserve condemnation of this level...maybe condemnation is a strong word, but more like contempt. Having been so used to a close bond that we shared I cannot understand the sudden withdrawal...I can guess, I can try to understand, but I would much rather just hear my charges to deserve this sentence...its amazing how much can be deemed irrelevant, the efforts, the love, the dedications, the undying support, the loyalty all are meaningless – because of one small little thing.

You know what they say, “enjoy the little things, for one day you might look back and realise that they were the big things” But this little thing is tearing me apart, what if one day, like today I am looking back and I am seeing how it is influencing things in a big way.  But we can still fix this, we can still make it better, we can still change, we can still grow. The big question is HOW? In the end we regret the chances we didn’t take. The relationships we were scared to have, and the decisions we waited so long to make. There comes a time in your life when you realise who matters, who doesn’t, who never did and who always will.

I don’t exactly know where I am right now in that score. Yet I am rendered mute by a thousand words flitting in my mind, my voice cannot find the pathway to my lips. I want to scream, I want shout, I want you to stop, I want you to see the pain, I want you to hear my cries, I want you to heed my plea...but you remain silent. Your silence is cementing my cage of uncertainty. Your silence, indifference and neglect do much more damage than outright dislike. How I wish I had known sooner how this feels, so I would not have done the same thing to another old friend. 

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