Wednesday, November 28, 2012

I Had Hit The Pause Button of My Life

It was one of those times in life just seems to move by too fast. Where everything flashes by my eyes and I look at my life like a stranger and I do not understand that it is mine. Overwhelmed with overflowing emotions that I do not understand, so alien yet so close to home.  My heart filled with loss, hopelessness, pain, love, anger. I wish I didn't have to finish every prayer with "Lord, why does it have to be me?" So misunderstood, so confused I didn't know how to reach out. So used to be strong I didn't know how to face my loved ones when I was so broken. I was that constant oak to everyone yet who can I lean on?  So closed off, so distant, I started to enjoy being alone. What was the point of everyone? What is the point of seeing my pain reflected in the eyes of those who love me each time they look at me? What's the point in letting you know, when really I don't want your sympathy. Maybe empathy. I am tired of my tears. I am tired of my pain. I am tired of my loneliness. I am tired of being tired. 

I had hit the pause button of my life. I had closed off, shut myself away from everyone. Then again Akhera karibu, what is my legacy? Is this how I want to go out. They say if you really want something bad enough and believe in it, it will manifest if we believe. So all I want is this:
I want to live, I want to love.
I want to live, I want to love.
I want to live, I want to love.
I want to live, I want to love.
I want to live, I want to love.
I want to live, I want to love.
I want to live, I want to love.
I want to live, I want to love.
I want to live, I want to love.
I want to live, I want to love.
I want to live, I want to love.
I want to live, I want to love.
I want to live, I want to love.
I want to live, I want to love.

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