Isn't it amazing how you can be surrounded by so many people who make you feel more alone?
I think I will be happy to be alone. Not because I like it and want it, but what if you love and need someone and it fell apart? I may not make it, so its easier to be alone.
Because what if you learn to need love and you don't have it? What if you start depending on it, leaning on it, shape your life around it..and then it falls apart? Will you be able to survive that kind of pain?
So I am trying to learn to be comfortable to be alone, I may still have love in my life but nothing is guaranteed. What if it finished and ended suddenly? Who am I without the identity of mother and wife and homemaker? Am I really in touch with the inner me as much as people think that, I have my life all perfect and figured out.
But with life, I have changed and grown, sometimes for the better and other times for the worse, so why have I lost touch with my inner self? It is so easy to get lost in the years of being needed by the tiny humans that I forget to recharge. I have forgotten to prioritise me. I have forgotten me, At times I feel like a book that I want to read but never get around to opening.