Friday, March 4, 2016

Marriage is a Sport

I am new to marriage, having been married for only five years. However, the more I see married couples in my community the less I yearn for that long life lasting marriage because it just feels wrong. What has become accepted and become the norm hurts my heart when I think about it.

When has marriage been equated to riding and dying and sacrificing for a person who not only appreciate you but takes everything for granted?
When has marriage become a licence to men sleeping around and women staying put, turning a blind eye because we have been taught to believe all men are the same and it doesn't get any better?
When has marriage become equated to hiding faults and parading perfection that is a lie?
When has marriage become a charade in public and silent deep cries in the darkest chambers of our souls?
When did marriage become an empty promise?
When did it become okay to expect very little from marriage? To not expect happiness? To intrude in others marriage and be happy when others are in turmoil.

We have become scared to share our problems because we no longer have the compass to know who genuinely cares and who is just taking advantage and secretly rooting for us to fail. When the married couple scare the single people that marriage is no longer a sanctuary.

I am not looking for story book happy marriages or scripted movies telling me what marriage is. But shouldn't marriage be about respect? Openness? Togetherness? Being each others cheerleaders? Being patient during difficult times? Enjoying the happy times? Working, creating and building a life together? Isn't marriage companionship? Someone witnessing your life everyday in its mundane glory and to bear witness through it all? to be in tune? Are my views so old fashioned?

Why is it fashionable to accept that all marriages fail  and the ones that seem happy have just learnt to hide their problems well.. Marriage has become a horrible spectator sport. No sportsmanship. Full competition. Without the investment of grit and grime but everyone wanting the glory and trophy.

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