Monday, June 18, 2012

Why Haven't You Had A Baby Yet?

I am becoming increasingly irked by this conversation

Random idiot: Hi
Me: Hi
Random idiot: Its been a while how are you?? Oh my God you are soo fat!!!
Me: Thank you, I work at it. (Inwardly: Dear God, please stop me from shooting this idiot!!)
*smiling*,  how are you and hows the family??
Random idiot: They are good, owh so you are married now?
Me: Yes
Random idiot: So how are the little ones?
Me: I don't have any little ones.
Random idiot: OMG, yaani kumbe you are just this fat??? You should join the gym.
Why haven't you had a baby yet?? Stop being lazy and give that man some...
Me: (Remember: it's still illegal to kill them) Thank you and goodbye.
(Walk away. Quickly. Don't turn back. and NO, don't throw that stone. Just smile and wave.)

I start walking away feeling conscious. Feeling fat, irritated, reminded of how I still don't fit in and no matter what I do, I will always stand out. I start missing those days and start wishing that I was as thin as when I thought I was fat. Because no matter how irritating and common that conversation is, I have to face it: its true. I can barely fit into anything in my wardrobe, and yes I don't have kids yet. So I start getting into depressed mode and mentally hating myself all the way to wherever I am going.

Then an external stimuli engulfs me and reminds me that its okay. Normally that reminder comes in the shape of my husband, mother or some close friend. Then depression shifts into anger. I remember how I see this scenario everywhere and I have been receiving it in different forms. It used to be: You are such a tomboy which normally got me labeled as a slut. Then it was you are so non-Muslim like which apparantly stamped my ticket with "straight-to-hell". Then it was you are so wild, which got me labeled as you will never get married. When I got married, they asked questions like what's wrong with the man who married you??? When they saw him, it turned into how could a man like that ever be interested in a woman like you??? Now it is, you have been married for more than a year, why don't you have kids yet, what is wrong with you? he is soo marrying another wife.

I am sure you have been there before if are still reading this. The judgmental conversations and questions coming from seemingly well-meaning people. Why aren't you married? When will you settle down? Why are you dating that guy/girl? What is wrong with you? How much do you make? Why do you drive such a shitty car? You are such an embarassement. Why haven't you lost weight? you've become so dark. The list is endless.

In short its pretty exhausting. The petty bypassing comments. People feeling free to point fingers as if their hands are clean. You might be wondering why I even get so enraged, that I should be used to it by now. Its like that swahili saying that goes "nina roho sina jiwe mengine nipunguziwe." - meaning I have a heart not a stone so reduce some things for me. This is the five hundred and ninety eight thousand times of unwanted barrage of thoughts flown my way. I can only take so much. This is one of the few places I can rant, and well, you are listening to me, and who knows maybe even feeling a little sympathetic. Honestly, I may not be able to say this to your face, but thank you. so much.

So let me answer this one: why haven't I had a baby yet and that bothers you;
Please do this: make me have one if you can.
Because of I tried to explain the reasons to your abnormally small brain, I wonder if you will even understand. 


  1. Hahahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!! My this is sooo lovely! lol... but heey, look on the bright side... that person inspired you to write lOl

    Anyways, i soo come across these kinda sluts, and usually ask myself... sasa, if i were to start tearing YOU apart, and we compare the two of us, are you sure you are that PERFECT?

    Thanks for the laugh!

    1. know???? indeed...inspiration indeed, maudhi yana raha kwa are welcome, I see hehehehehehe that my drama is your source of entertainment...

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  3. “Open your mouth only if what you are going to say is more beautiful than silence.” is one of my favorite proverbs.I believe that more people need to live by this. I know how it feels to be constantly judged but what i don't understand is, why in the world would someone as amazing as yourself let yourself be so insecure over a bunch of meaningless words that people throw at you. I grew up looking up to you, and i still do i mean who else would be confident enough to discuss something like this so publicly. Avoid negative people, only surround yourself with people who bring out the best in of you. You're one of my inspirational people. You are your own - self and you've never let anyone define who you are so why stop now? People will always try to belittle your ambitions but always hold your head up high, never give them the satisfaction of showing them they've won. Always remember as many haters, you also have supporters. SO keep inspiring, Do YOU for YOU and no - one else. I think you're such a smart, beautiful, confident and independent woman and thats just me summarizing, the list goes on! I could go on all day about you! So keep your head straight and focus on your priorities and what matters most. No person should be dominant of your emotions or feelings, you yourself and only you should be in-charge of that. Infinite love, from me to you!

    1. ...awww...that is soo sweet and thank you so much...words do have the power to heal, heck i live in Zanzibar you visit here and you know what its like!!! Plus I guess I am only human, and once in a while i become increasingly crazy and lose some senses but I eventually get them back...thanks for the love and reminder..i am touched.

  4. words are just like hot water. Can hurt but cant burn down¨. keep being youself always!

  5. Thank you for this post, it so much relates to me.. I thought I was the only one but now I feel relieved to know there are people out there who go through what I go through.. I always thank God for everything and I know His timing is the best time.. Be blessed..

  6. welcome of our world,,,, those of us grew in the "swahili culture" and our parents were smart and alhamdulillah with enough faith to know that we could have a different fate from those and particularly girls we grew up with! so now we are well on our way if not there yet at that different fate,,, we find our selves sitting in the miidle jugling the expectations of society and our own life's choices! alas,,, they will always try to find a fault to feed their minute egos and messed up self esteems!!!! I been here done this,,, n still doin it!!!!

    Bottom line binadamu hawaridhiki na hata wangeridhika hilo la kuwaridhisha wao silo lililonileta hapa duniani!!!! Lililonileta mimi na wao pia ni kumridhisha Allah kareem! So i raise the rent in both my head and heart a couple of notches higher n kick em out! Hata hivyo wale wa karibu na mimi hawajali mapungufu yangu na wanasifia mazuri yangu huku wakifanya kila wawezalo kunisaidia kwa matatizo yangu!

    It is this philosophy that has kept and continues to keep me goin,,,,


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