Monday, February 13, 2012

Too independent???

"I don't need you in my life. I do not need you to buy me clothes, I can do that for myself. I can afford the house I live in, I can buy the car of my dreams, I am financially independent, I am spiritually whole, I am smart, talented and going places. I don't need you in my life. I choose to have you in my life. I want you in my life, I am good at being independent, but I want to try interdependence. Independence with a mix of dependence with you, and I don't see that there is anything wrong with that. I am fine by myself but I choose to be with you. "

This another random stream of thoughts from another more random discussion which made me come up  with the above quote. As women we have become very independent - some would argue too independent.  Like we have gone from one extreme to another, from overly dependent to too much independence that we stifle a man. Nowadays a standing apparatus that defies gravity is not enough to snag a good woman,  there are many requirements, we want to know the past, what are the plans for the future.

Generally, there are so many rules right now governing relationships..." Like don't stay because you think it will get better, or the only person you can control in a relationship is you; maintain boundaries in how a man treats you; never let a man know everything about you, he will use it against you later; never make him feel that he is more important than you even if he has a better education or in a better job; don't make him into a quasi-god, never let a man define who you are; compromise is a two way street;  take care of your own hearts... and the big one is: DON'T SETTLE"

It is amazing that the pursuit of happiness has become so much difficult, it is impossible to determine what makes us happy in the first place, let alone start searching for it. As women, we have raised the bar and the standards very high that we have become very calculating and pre-mediated in most of our actions. As humans we cannot deny our intimate nature to be social, the need for other human beings, family, friends, colleagues, haters - name it. Women are too independent, men are too lazy, the battle of the sexes will always continue. The key part will always be to stick with the consequences of whatever decision that we make. If we remain single well and good - and the consequences. If we are in a  relationship well and good - and the consequences.  If we are married well and good - and the consequences.

It reminds me of this make-believe scene where in a brief conversation, a man asked a woman he was pursuing the the question: "What kind of man are you looking for?"

She sat quietly for a moment before looking him in the eye and asking, "Do you really want to know?"
Reluctantly, he said "Yes." She began to expound..."as a woman in this day and age, I am in a position to ask a man what he can do for me that I can't do for myself. I pay my own bills. I take care of my household without the help of any man. I am in the position to ask, what can you bring to the table?"

The man looked at her. Clearly he thought that she was referring to money.

She quickly corrected his thought and stated, "I am not referring to money. I need something more. I need a man who is striving for perfection in every aspect of life. "

He sat back in his chair, folded his arms, and asked her to explain. She replied: "I am looking for someone who is:
1. Striving for perfection mentally because I need conversation and mental stimulation. I don't need a simple minded man. 
2. Striving for perfection spiritually because I don't need to be unequally yoked; believers mixed with unbelievers is a recipe for disaster. 
3. Striving for perfection financially because I don't need a financial burden. 
4. Sensitive enough to understand what I go through as a woman, but strong enough to keep me grounded. 
5. Someone who I can respect. In order to be submissive, I must respect him. I cannot be submissive to a man who isn't taking care of his business. I have no problem being submissive...he just has to be worthy. 
God made woman to be a helpmate for man. I can't help a man if he can't help himself."

When she finished her spill, she looked at him. He sat there with a puzzled look on his face.

He said, "You're asking a lot." She replied, "I'm worth a lot."

Is she too independent???


  1. Aye... tooo independent! infact OVERLY independent.

    Im sure if you have this attitude, then one ought to be going back home, and crying to their pillows.. and most especially when its the holiday season(s)..

    Surprisingly though, the number of "proud" independent women is growing oh so rapidly. Which is terrible..

    I read this morning, or last night.."things are made to be used and human beings to be loved... what people are doing now is loving things and using humans"...

  2. I think she is just the right pinch of independent, because she knows what she is worth and is not afraid to air it up front. She knows the fundamental points that make the relationship strong and she has a keen focus on them. I would like to remove the word independence as it is used here it means nothing. Independence is impossible, because we all need something outside our own body and mind to continue, even further, we need God in our lives, hence independence is never achievable by human beings. However, I would like to use the word, content. She is content with herself her life and her achievements. She seeks only a man that would not only match that, but surpass it because as a woman she can handle being outdone by a man, but can a man?????


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