Wednesday, April 11, 2012


 Having spent hours and days on the exact words that I am going to write,
to explain this idea, a poem, flash of words, contained within my mind,
as I type them out and more words flow, my thoughts jumbled up until
words are formed on the screen, and I amaze myself that I was thinking
that way in the first place. I find the dictionary, the thesaurus, I  bite my lips
as I search for the perfect way to express the exact words that I want to say.

Three hours later, a nice poem before my eyes, and as I am ready to publish,
I accidentally press the wrong button and deleted in instead, having made no copies,
believe you me I am mad, mad that all the thoughts are gone, how will I summon
them when they have gone beyond my reach, back into nothing, back into a muddle
of ideas floating in my mind. I do not give up, I quickly try to find all the ways that
I could do it again, I retrace my steps, retrace the thoughts but alas ,
in the vast openness of my mind I cannot handpick them the same way again.
I cannot find the words, cannot string together meaning when my mind is clouded in
frustration. Frustration at my fingers, at myself at my mind, at my computer!!!

I have learnt my lesson the hard way. I have to make copies of whatever it is I am working on,
stored away somewhere else, not to put too much faith on the screen,
I have become so comfortable at the blogger's empty canvas I can't remember
when was the last time I used Word to write my words, when I took a piece of pen
and put it to paper. My notebook where I used to store my random thoughts,
my ideas, my writings. Even they get lost so I put all my faith in a new form.
Digitalised. yet it is not fail-safe as I have proved to myself today,
so annoyed at my frustration, I will re-create what I wrote again. 

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