of me the ones I love and those I dread,
I try to quiet them and to please listen ,
to not all speak randomly but at least three at a time,
I can conjure the energy to understand the words
that they thrash at me all demanding my attention and time,
I have ignored them long enough and if I am not careful,
they will rise to the surface to demand a safe refuge,
to be maddeningly weird, distorted and whole.
I still l have a part of me that is innocent, vulnerable trusting and fresh,
capable of intimacy, spontaneity, love and warmth,
it is my capacity to go on learning, to experience a sense of wonder,
it is the soft centre in each of us, most intimate and sensitive core,
the part of us that feels; The Inner child - remains with us all our lives,
most us hide it from the outer world because it is vulnerable and easily hurt,
it is not wise in ways of the world, it wants to feel safe, loved and held,
its is not good at articulating its needs but when they are not met,
a sense of panic, loneliness, lost and confusion seep through our core,
and when our inner child feels good again, we feel good, happy and secure.
Because my Inner Child is so vulnerable and not good at coping with the world,
I, like you, have developed an the Inner parent to protect and control.
A part of me that is an introjection of all authority figures who have influenced me,
in the past, parents, teachers, clergy and anyone who kept me safe
It is our inner parent who makes us look both ways before crossing the street,
we continue living the rules enforced in us, and we need them to survive,
if our inner parent is too controlling, we become too over protected,
inhibited in expressing ourselves freely, we become rigid in personality,
we narrow our own needs to live up to expectations and to conform
still trying to please people who are no longer with us.
When I address the feeling of my need to control I found fear,
fear, paranoia and guilt of wanting to be in touch with my own power
We have all learnt to please our inner parent, inner child to feel okay,
the need to please others in order to feel loved is,
a full time job, needing others approval, to meet expectations,
of our early authority figures, girlfriends, boyfriends, spouses and employers.
My desperation to be liked drains my energy, needing to sell myself short.
I am being manipulated by my inner pleaser, because of pent up anger,
because I cannot ask for what I want, frustration gives more room
for the the critic to maneuver and wallow in my despair and gloom,
My inner critic has the most power to wreck my peace of mind,
an inner voice that makes me feel bad about everything,
its quite sadistic and always nagging about my shortcomings.
If you like me have the bad luck of having a perfectionist critic,
you can never give yourself credit. Its voice is instantly recognizable -
it is harsh, judgmental, always telling you what is wrong with you,
and how you should be, it can be relentless and there is no way
you can ever satisfy your won critic's demands, we drive ourselves
to exhaustion to attain those demands that we put on ourselves.
Until I get the message that I am perfectly imperfect,
until I can put all my little voices in check,
until I can enter in dialogue, to get to know them intimately,
why they are there, what they want from me - I can never be free.
if I listen to myself and observe myself in action a pattern so clear emerges,
I developed these parts of me to survive, I need to reduce their energy,
and take the reins back in my own hands.