Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Woman Work



Woman Work




I've got the children to tend
The clothes to mend
The floor to mop
The food to shop
Then the chicken to fry
The baby to dry
I got company to feed
The garden to weed
I've got shirts to press
The tots to dress
The can to be cut
I gotta clean up this hut
Then see about the sick
And the cotton to pick.

Shine on me, sunshine
Rain on me, rain
Fall softly, dewdrops
And cool my brow again.

Storm, blow me from here
With your fiercest wind
Let me float across the sky
'Til I can rest again.

Fall gently, snowflakes
Cover me with white
Cold icy kisses and
Let me rest tonight.

Sun, rain, curving sky
Mountain, oceans, leaf and stone
Star shine, moon glow
You're all that I can call my own.

©Maya Angelou 

My Dream Home















Me, Myself and I...Part I



All my life, I have been scared, of being me, 
I have been worried that people don't like what they see
when they look straight through what i pretend to be
Controlled deep down and bounded to never be free 

I starved myself because I wanted to be perfect,
I wore no makeup to hide my insecurity,
I used to keep to myself because I was scared,
I talked to guys more because girls hated me, 

As I watched my own life pass me by,
Like a passenger, watched the scenery blur away,
created everyday by a committee in my head,
 through the choices I made, based on nothing that I wanted. 

My life came with instruction manual
Name me a time, a day, a second, 
I know what I am supposed to be doing, 
I went through the motions, feeling trapped. 

I mentally killed myself a hundred times, 
I wanted out, out of this body, this framed destiny, 
every moment was pre-ordained, without my approval, 
my consent was in the people driving me. 

I couldn't see them, touch them or feel them, 
but I could hear them loudly every time I took a turn,
every time I tried to find out what I wanted, 
who am I and whose life was I living?

Life broke me down, and I had to find a source
 of strength to pull myself up because
 I do not want to regret growing older, 
its a blessing denied from many.

Whose life am I living? everything in life is temporary,
if its good - it will change, if it is bad, it will change. 
Nobody said life would be easy, they promised it would be worth it
This road I am on will hopefully get me to where I want to be.



Dance a Little...everyday




Just Dance!!!!

Monday, November 28, 2011

What is Ugly?



What is ugly?
Not having designer clothes?
Not having your boobs out of your shirt?
or your ass hanging out of your shorts?
or not being able to see your ribs?
having acne?
not wearing makeup?
is that what ugly is?
maybe another word for ugly is "society".

They tell you that by definition ugly is:
 flawed, 
different,
not good enough,
unloved,
disgusting,
annoying,
misunderstood,
fat,
in short: 
Ugly is YOU.
everything-
about you. 

So hey,
stop being unhappy with yourself,
stop trying to be perfect, 
you already are, 
stop listening to them,
the cowards,
if you were meant to be like them, 
you would have been wired that way, 
stop wishing you looked like someone else,
stop hating your body, 
your face, 
your quirks, 
your personality, 
without that, you wouldn't be you. 
why would you want to be them anyway?

me?
 I don't care, 
yes, to them I am ugly, 
but who cares what they think?
I am not listening to them anymore, 
never did anyway, why start now?
my happiness doesn't depend on their acceptance of 
who i should be, 
they don't like me?
that's cool, 
I don't wake up everyday to impress em anyway!!!
i am happy because i love me, 
i love my flaws, they make me human,
my flabby arms, 
my hanging belly, 
my loud mouth, 
my random outbursts, 
i love my imperfections, 
they make me - "me"
and me is pretty amazing. 

In the Beginning


In the beginning, I did not want it, 
Did not want to be a part of the "us"
Did not want to give you the access
that will enable you to break my heart.

But you were so insistent, full of promises, 
You were always there, whether I wanted or not, 
Made so much fun of yourself, you were crazy, 
and I thought I found someone I can be me with. 

Hesitantly, I gave you the chance that you wanted, 
I gave you a shot, see where "us" would go, 
I was testing to see how far you would endure, 
Until you hurt me, use me, then leave me. 

But you were oh so different,
 you kept all the promises you said you would, 
And gave so much more - than I was afraid 
to ask for, but secretly wished for. 

In the beginning, you made sure that I would love you, 
Love you so much more than myself, 
Love you so much that I would never leave you, 
and I don't know when I crossed that threshold. 

Now, you feel that your work is done, 
You have me, I am utterly yours, 
You sit back, let me do everything, 
the chores, the thinking and the happiness. 

In the beginning you knew everything about me, 
Now you don't, it enrages me, its smoldering - softly, 
You say I am impossible to please; without really trying, 
That you don't understand me, that I am enigmatic. 

Maybe, just maybe if you realised that 
I am what you wanted, I warned you 
In the very beginning, that I am different
That I am nothing like anyone you have known. 

Now, you want me to be like all of the others, 
You want me to be static, not dynamic or 3D or HD, 
You want me to be like how I can never be, 
I am a free untamed spirit, how can you ask that?

In the beginning, I would let you get away with it, 
Fight my demons alone inside me, and eat my heart, 
But not now, not today - I want you to really see me. 
I am not sleeping angry - we are going to stay up and fight!!!

In the beginning we used to fight because we don't understand one another,
Now we fight because we understand each other too much,
Through it all, our bond has gotten stronger, deeper, the road smoother.
I see it now, that the end is much better than the beginning.


A Prayer for our Mothers



Dear Lord,

Today I pray for my mother--
and our mothers everywhere,
who have made such a major contribution
to the good qualities we have,
Through great effort and patient instructions,
and who have gently polished away our rough edges.

Lord, please bless our mothers
for the endless hours of time they spent
and the nonstop energy they invested in us.
Bless our mothers for the sacrifices made on our behalf
as they often gave up or altered their own dreams
so that we could have ours.

Lord, please bless our mothers,
Who use to hold us before we could walk,
used to hear us before we could talk,
who picked us up whenever we fell,
sometimes letting us fall so we can learn how to pick ourselves up.


Lord, as I gaze in wonder,
as I watch my miracle - my mother.
Lord, You let me know you love me, through her;
In so many different ways.
Nobody loves me like my Mother.
No matter what I do,
Good or bad, happy or sad,
She supports me; She always comes through.
She is a good and fine role model,
A blessing from above.
I couldn’t be any prouder
Than I am today;
You’re my mother and my friend,
It’s a privilege to be your daughter,

Lord, please bless our mothers mightily.
Strengthen them, soothe them,
wrap them in Your infinite love
and shower them with blessings
too numerous to count, too magnificent to describe.
We love them, admire them, respect them,
and we wish that You would give them back
many times the good they gave to us.
I pray in your name, Amin.

My Black is Beautiful



From the color of my skin, to the texture of my hair, 
to the length of my strands, to the breadth of my smile,
To the stride of my gait, to the span of my arms,
to the depth of my bosom, to the curve of my hips, to the glow of my skin, 
My Black is Beautiful.

It cannot be denied. It will not be contained.
And only I will define it.                                                                                                             
For when I look in my mirror, my very soul cries out, 
My Black is Beautiful.

And so today, I speak it out loud,
unabashedly, I declare it anew, 
My Black is Beautiful.

Whether celebrated, imitated, exploited or denigrated.
Whether natural from inside or skillfully applied, 
My Black is Beautiful.

To my daughters, my sisters,
my nieces, my cousins,
my colleagues and my friends,
 I speak for us all when I say again, 
My Black is Beautiful.

Found this somewhere online. All I can say is Amen, Hallelujah!!

Friday, November 25, 2011

Confusion



i blew at my cup, tryna cool my steaming icecream,
while i was lost in thought as i sat at the corner of a round table,
staring back at the blind man who stared back at me funny,
hearing his deaf friend complain about the noise of traffic,
i had to get up, out of that place,
my skin was already getting goosebumps from the heat,
besides, i was already late for the next day's meeting,
so i boarded a bus at the smelly train station,
which took me to where i was going,
turned back and returned me to where i had been.

only to realise the round table i had sat on was actually square,
and the blind man really had no eyesight there,
his deaf friend couldn't hear
and his soundless world was the reason for all of his wrinkles of fear.
my skin had actually darkened from the heat,
and it was hours till my sister and i had to meet,
i walked past the bus top which was above the train station,
turned around in subconscious confusion,
knowing that if my day wasn't right from where i'd chose to start it,
i'd have to go back to where it started,
and ask myself some hard questions,
being the only way i could learn life's most difficult lessons.

was it possible?
a round table could actually have a corner if you wanted it to?
just because people were living in this round world,
but constantly being pushed off its edges?
could the blind man see because
he was the only one who knew the meaning of love at first sight?
because its only him who realised that its not about what's on top
its about what's inside?
could my deaf man hear oh so very well?
as actions will always say it louder than words could ever tell?
and could tomorrow work out if i prepared for it today?
and stop being fools to think it would sort itself out in its own way?
then i realised that life is just how you see it,
made by how you make it,
and justified by how you justify it.

so i'm happy that i managed to write you some theoretical stories,
to bring you a little closer to my madness,
and i'm sure after managing to read all these line you've gotten used ,
to the fact that i'm just confused. :-)

Tunumariya Yongolo



Thursday, November 24, 2011

J.K.M: JoKate Mwegelo

 ...this is a girl - woman that we all have to look out for...in the future...
..expecting great things from you; and we look to you to challenge yourself ...
...to do more...to raise the bar higher for yourself...for others...
...a role model...a beauty queen with style, grace, compassion and one unstoppable spirit...
...so follow me and take a sneak peek at this phenomenal woman...





Moving on


This is another random pouring of thoughts stemming from a simple line, that trying to forget someone you loved is like trying to remember someone you never knew. Let's face it; it is very true. We all have our sob stories, the people who hurt us, broke our hearts and shattered them into tiny little pieces that it took God awhile to find all of them and make our hearts whole again. Yet, the aftermath is always there, the experience always affects your outlook on life - whether good or bad is up to you.

Yet when you sit with yourself, and can see through your own pain, and be honest with yourself, you start realising the part you played that led to the ultimate finale. As you focus on the images differently, you appreciate the good, the really good times. They were tainted before, and you had been looking at them from the wrong end of the telescope, yet when you have all your wits about you, you will admit it to yourself that you cannot ever forget someone who managed to make you move from yourself and love him/her. You cannot forget the feelings and how it made you feel. If you are smart enough, you raise the bar higher for the next person that you will give your heart to.

So, when the current man/woman/friend in your life asks you if you have gotten over the other person, the answer is ofcourse YES. If they were to go further and ask you if have forgotten them, an honest answer is always NO. Because there will always be memories, and you never know when something might jolt them from the subconscious to the present moment. If the love was real, even for a moment, you will never forget it - and I am not sure that you should even be trying to. 

Don't


Don't judge me by the way I dress,
                               By the way I walk or wear my hair.

          Don't assume that I am interested if I happen to look your way,
                                                    Or that I am not if I happen to look away.

               Don't put too much stock in my body language, 
                                                             My body often gives me mixed signals, too.

                                                   If you want to know how I feel, just ask
                          If you want to know what I think, I will tell you.

But if you are thinking of trying to get inside my head, don't
                It's crowded enough already in there

Laugh


When anger is brewing inside me,
all my past sorrows tend to engulf my senses, 
I want to scream, because life is so full of bitterness, 
I am exhausted of trying, of failing before I start, 
I want to curl on on the ground and let it swallow me. 

Then I see a child smiling at me, 
the smile going all the way to her eyes..
I cant help myself, and I find myself smiling with her, 
and she gives me that gurgling sound, of ecstasy; 
its like she knew just what I needed. 

I looked inside myself and willed my heart 
to remove the sorrow from my face, 
to remove the gloom in my eyes, 
to remove the drooping of my head, 
and energize me from inside. 

Laugh - the little voice inside of me said.
Laughter is the best medicine for everything it said, 
even the cloud breaks, and the sun shines after a storm.
As I smiled and willed laughter to come fourth, 
the gloom inside me started to vanish. 

Baby steps, smiling, twirling into a laugh, 
as I laughed at myself, the stupid things I do, 
my jaws and my rib hurt, and tears started to run, 
Isn't it funny? how laughter is like crying without the pain. 

So I finally found my recipe for happiness, 
smile - laughter - gratitude. 
Smiling is infectious, I will give it out to any who needs it.
Laughter is best for everything - I will laugh for me.
Gratitude for all the blessing bestowed on me. I will exalt Him. 

I heart this place :)


An African Elegy - Ben Okri


We are the miracles that God made
To taste the bitter fruit of Time.
We are precious.
And one day our suffering
Will turn into the wonders of the earth.

There are things that burn me now
Which turn golden when I am happy.
Do you see the mystery of our pain?
That we bear the poverty
And are able to sing and dream sweet things.

And that we never curse the air when it is warm
Or the fruit when it tastes so good
Or the lights that bounce gently on the waters?
We bless the things even in our pain.
We bless them in silence.

That is why our music is so sweet.
It makes the air remember.
There are secret miracles at work
That only Time will bring forth.
I too have heard the dead singing.

And they tell me that
This life is good
They tell me to live it gently
With fire, and always with hope.
There is wonder here

And there is surprise
In everything the unseen moves.
The ocean is full of songs.
The sky is not an enemy.
Destiny is our friend.


By: Ben Okri

Moving Thoughts


Happiness lies for those who cry, those who hurt, those who have searched, and those who have tried, for only they can appreciate the importance of people who have touched their lives.


When one door of happiness closes, another opens, but often times we look so long at the closed door that we don't see the one that has been opened for us.


Don't go for looks; they can deceive. Don't go for wealth; even that fades away. Go for someone who makes you smile because it only takes a smile to make a dark day seem bright. Find the one that makes your heart smile.


Giving someone all your love is never an assurance that they will love you back! Don't expect love in return; just wait for it to grow in their heart but if it doesn't, be content it grew in yours.


The brightest future will always be based on a forgotten past, you can't go on well in life until you let go of all your past heartache and failures.


There are moments in life when you miss someone so much that you just want to pick them from your dreams and hug them for real.


May you have enough happiness to make you sweet, enough trials to make you strong, enough sorrow to keep you human and enough hope to make you happy. 

Wednesday, November 23, 2011

Coloring outside the boundaries


We have all been young once right? and somewhere in time...we were drawing at school, be it stick figures or a full blown Picasso creation. Yet as we learn to color, we are given empty images and we have to color them in. As a child new to the universe, our world is full of wonderment. People stop to hear the crazy things that can come out of a five year old child and they get retold, so the child tries harder to be more crazier next time to get more attention and more love. Its the same with coloring, kids just color how they want...they don't see the images as the boundaries of their coloring, they color till they feel its enough.

As the child grows, we slowly start to suffocate its free spirit, and try to rule it. The boundaries start to become defined. The wings of imagination become clipped, the wonderment and incessant questions start to cease, a spirit is stifled. Alas, there comes the generelisations: An "A" student, a geek and many other names to keep people the way we think they should be, and when you give that young person to color - they do it within the boundaries.

Those are the lessons that are taken into adulthood. Keep your head in, don't stand out too much, do what you have to do so that you can do what you want to do, and from then every moment of your life has a manual on what should happen. It is amazing how many of us keep with this status quo. We still listen to that faraway voice that says: don't color outside the boundaries. Yet we don't still play with the same dolls or fit in the same clothes, we grow, and we accept that we change.

A time has to come that the mindset has to change. Its easy to stand with a crowd, it takes courage to stand alone. Standing alone requires you to be comfortable with yourself, re-establishing the boundaries, freeing the yearnings so long locked up and assuming the absurd. That maybe you are not the only one struggling, that maybe by getting to know yourself, you not only get the feel good factor but you also allow others the possibility of trying to do the same.

I think its neither black nor white. Its not gray either. Its a rainbow of colors. There are no boundaries, no shape and no form. Don't walk - run. Don't smile - laugh your heart out. DO  all the things that you ever wanted to do, right now, today: because that is all you've got. Re-define the boundaries for you and color them as you see fit. 

Tuesday, November 22, 2011

Faith



The world is filled with despair
there is pain and suffering everywhere, 
the cost of living is always going higher 
and the poor are always getting poorer. 

There are wars the world over, 
Mankind are fighting each other, 
which race is superior, 
which knowledge is better

We are out seeking better ways 
to kill each other, 
to harm one another, 
to wipe out everything, 
that means anything. 

We have given up our freedom, 
Handed over our voice 
to the big men with shallow characters
and throwaway morality

We have allowed -
the voiceless to be silenced, 
the poor to be improvished 
the hungry to be famished
the souls to be polluted

Somewhere in all of this 
we need to:
 find hope, 
stop cursing the darkness 
provide some light
we need to find our faith in the unseen. 


I Miss You


I.. need you - but you... don't indulge me, 
I... worship you - but you... don't respect me,  
I... yearn for you - but you... don't desire me, 
I... want you - but you... don't feel like me, 
I... crave for you - but you... don't pine for me, 
I...  reach for you - but you... don't connect with me, 
I... care for you - but you... don't bother about me, 
I... gaze at you- but you... don't glance my way, 
I... feel you - but you... don't believe me, 
I... smile at you - but you... don't grin at me, 
I... sacrifice for you - but you... don't surrender to me,
I... reason with you - but you... don't hear me, 
I... love you - but you... don't feel affection for me...
I... miss you - but you... don't care anymore...

Betrayed


I sit and wonder, what have i done to deserve this, 
I feel broken, hurt, wounded, 
and you are the centre of my pain, 
You caused it - the one person I run to
when my world topples upside down. 

Now you are the centre of my confusion, 
the centre of my turmoil, as my mind wanders, 
as my tears keep running down my cheeks, 
i sit dejected and defeated, 
sorrow, grief, anguish and anger 
all engulfing me at once. 





What wrong did I do to deserve this 
I tried to be the best friend to you, 
I never asked too much from you, I accepted you, 
Bent backwards and went out of my way
to be there for you
to make you reach for your dreams, 
to restore your faith in humanity
that we are not all the same, 
that friendship was the answer

I remember the good times, 
the times we laughed till we cried, 
how you would never let me do stupid things alone, 
how you could see behind the pain that I hide, 
people looked at us funny, said we didn't act our age 
you were my family, a part of me that 
God trusted me to find.

I know all about you, 
the good, the faults and everything in between,
and I still accepted you and welcomed you
into my life, my heart, and my world
If you wanted to jump off the cliff 
I would reason with you and when it all fails, 
I would ask you to wait so I can get down
to catch you and break your fall.


Now I hear about your betrayal, 
You had to be the one person to break me to the world, 
to hang my dirty laundry in public,
all in the name of you are afraid of loosing me,
all because you feel I found new friends 
that I would totally forget about you. 
the pain is unbearable, 
being heartbroken by a friend 
is the worst tidal flushing my body
I cannot register the pain, 
I cannot stop the tears of disbelief...
I trusted you: 
enough to be vulnerable around you

my weakness is,
 I dont know how to do things half way, 
how to be stab people in the back, 
I am upfront. 
I want to confront you, 
I want to tell you I know about your lies
yet you smile to my face,
and I realise it is not worth it.
You are not worth it.
so I have gone numb to deaden the pain,
I don't want to feel like this
It's not just my heart that you broke, 
but every single part of me, my ideals and dreams,
pain so deep in places I didn't know about.

Maybe all is not bad, 
maybe I am getting saved for something better,
I want to believe that someday
I will back on all of this and smile. 
Because letting you go is hard
Part of me wants to believe that we can fix this.




But you know what?
Thank you.
Thank you for teaching me. 
Thank you for being my learning curve.
Thank you for the pain, 
because I will rise above it. 
Thank you for letting me know
that I am not invincible. 
Thank you for showing me 
that sometimes, 
when something breaks,
It is better to leave it broken 
than hurt myself trying to fix it.


Monday, November 21, 2011

happy


The beach has always been a place where my mind rejuvenates, my heart calms down and reflects on the many issues that seem to plague it. I love the music of the waves as they hit on the sand, rhythmic, constant yet vibrant, can be angry, peaceful,  or not there at all. I feel at peace on the beach and it dawns on me that I am a small speckle in the big universe, and that makes me feel powerful. That I matter. That in all the beautiful things that were created I am one of them.

I live in an island, Zanzibar Island in East Africa. Many people associate it with exotic beaches, spice island, a historical town acclaimed by UNESCO World Heritage Sites. Yet I just call this place home, a small town in the sea, surrounded by water, where the majority do not know how to swim. It is the way it is.

I am grateful that everyday the sun shines on me, to bring me hope for a new day, green is everywhere and the sun sets with purple, orange and mirage of colors all to make way for a glistening moon that shines just for me. Because those things are always there for me, there is comfort in them, yet I stop noticing them in a while - but not the sea. The sea cleanses my mind, heart, body and soul. I have to search it, find that spot that makes me feel at home while wonder along the different avenues in my mind. When I leave, I am a new person, I have acquired a new perspective, and I am at my happy place.

Why not?


Who Am I?


I came across this image in my wanderings in the web, and I think it poses a true issue that I struggle with. It is wonderful that others can articulate my thoughts better than I can ever say them myself. Thus I hold it to be true that the most difficult phase in life is not when no one understands you- that is very common in my world - to the point that I have stopped to bother explaining.

But when I do not understand myself; that is truly a difficult phase. There are times when I can not comprehend my thoughts, cannot vocalize my feelings, cannot stand the person staring back at me in the mirror, and the little voices in my head talk ten at a time - chaos rules.

Then I realise that I am owkay, that I have a grasp of how I am feeling, even when I don't understand. That I am not perfect, that I am not always likeable. and its owkay. But if I get the reasons why, and I love me, then it's all good. 

Quotes that make you go hmmmm














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